rocario

Ssitm-N

2008-07-22T01:55:00.003-05:00

toy with reality and untie people's shoes... if anything else could be done, what would you choose?... a lamp, a shirt and a skirt, twice rotten because it was left forgotten... lousy line in a pitiful time, the notes in the air might show us their most beautiful shine... heat up and wave at your last chance for a so called normal life as you pass by... farewell, forget myself and forgive yourself! some might be made to be recalled and others to crash and burn, lousy lines at the very end of the day, we share, we drink, our tears that will never be seen, hold my hand and tell me: why is it so hard to cross this cold line that lies between us? you seem to touch my fingertips but i feel nothing but its plane and untasteful nothingness but still, keeps me here and you there

i'll knock it but you do the same, i can't open it neither you can
are we trapped and condemed to never hold again?
in this a miserable state are we bound until end?
to meet and regret the very same time on each other our eyes laid?
to smile at the very same time? to keep listening ourselves saying every instant, the same lines?
i crash my hand against that cold border
i crash my fist against it again
my feet meet it and the other will too
i see it's breaking, and you fall in several pieces
to be precise, twentytwo
it falls and you are scattered around,
there are more like you
there are more like me here on the ground
i'm confused, i thought that i could set you free
i hear all your voices coming at once
but i can't all of you see
what have i done?

(i shouldn't stare at the mirror - narcissus)

?_

2008-06-28T20:04:00.001-05:00

nota sobre el estado actual de la sanidad mental...
no es desastroso, mas bien caotico
niveles de endorfina algo por debajo de óptimo pero no es crítico
el cocktail mnemónico de asuntos personales y trabajo junto con algo de ira han resultado un shot que está dejando un efecto que se espera se disipe para mañana
el lunes retomo el alemán, si o si
conclusión... aun se puede vivir y salvar lo que se debe salvar en el día

políglota

2008-06-27T21:14:00.000-05:00

puedo aprender otros idiomas hasta generar poemas y canciones en lenguas muertas ya
perfeccionar los acentos hasta mezclarme, entendiendo cada modismo e inflexion
conocer hasta la más mínima variación de las grafías y figuras en los cientos de miles de lenguajes habidos y por haber
disertar sobre la gramática y sintaxis coligiendo la etimología y evolución de cada término... podría llegar a tal conocimiento... pero
ni aun así podré explicar con claridad y precisión el significado de un silencio

myocardium notes

2008-06-04T03:17:00.000-05:00

Without warning, as it was supposed to be
pierced through and sealed the holes
as a good footprint

Casualties were countless after that
nothing of serious, though
Oblivion doesn't come while still think of it too hard
So minutes, days, seconds and years passed by
but it doesn't really matter for a picture in the heart
colors don't fade and music is never too loud
almost perfect at its exclusive existance in the secluded valley of memories

sometimes a tear, others a silly smile
those revolving sweet moments torn into a nightmare
when confronting the facts
wishing for some moments one and the opposite for a while
until...
it solved was

so quick and simple, nothing was leveled but filled
able to recognize emotions but without reasons to feel them
understanding the tricks so easily bored at the show

worse than watching the clowns painting their faces
how am I supposed to stay watching these shows
when I know where the hand goes?

in these days I'm only here and now
without space for yesterdays and barely some for the future
and I laugh... there's nothing else I can feel

diferencias

2008-03-19T17:20:00.000-05:00

en el salon solitario ya no hay nada que limpiar
los espejos reflejan el brillo de la mañana y ya ninguna imagen parece retener las reminiscencias de lo que ahi sucdedio
placidamente el aire deambula invisible en cada rincón sin nada que lo inhale para recorrer su ser
ya no hay eco, nisiquiera de los zapatos contra el suelo en la pista de baile
mucho menos las risas, ni las lágrimas al caer
ya no hay manchas de bebidas regadas por el suelo y las arañas nisiquiera están tiznadas por las candelas sostenias horas atrás
nada queda
nisiquiera una risa, ni un lazo
mucho menos un rastro de sonrisas o papeles
callados en ese escandaloso silencio
habiendo partido ya cada quien para sus sitios de albergue y con suerte, de origen
en las mareadas horas del crepúsculo
tal vez terminen olvidar lo que el alcohol no borró ya
enterrandolo en el jardín junto al salón
entre las rosas y orquídeas, para alimentar futuras flores que serán arrancadas para una siguiente ocasión
con nuevos trajes y temas, pasos de baile y conversaciones... la misma anfitriona estará en el lugar, sosteniendo esa gentil mirada y cálida sonrisa que quizás a nadie logre nada recordar
pero eso será en otro día, otra noche, otra celebración
a tres pasos y cada cual con un solo golpe
3 tiempos son más que suficientes para proseguir
y el aire levanta la última ligera pluma... y la dirige hasta el jardín
donde algún otro pájaro la tomará para su nido, en donde cobijará la próxima camada, en estos días finales de verano, inicios de primavera, cuando todo renace no sin antes desfallecer
mustios floreros, deslucidos platos que ya son atendidos en los grifos para ser lavados
nada queda ya en el salón
pero quizás un día pasemos por ahí, no para una fiesta pero sí para correr y gritar haciendo más alboroto que todas esas personas juntas esa noche
y juntaremos lo aprendido, colecciones de lecciones e imágenes que ninguna cámara logró captar, algunas alteradas y otras no
al final de cuentas, es lo que cada quien se llevó de ahi
tu un pedazo de risa, yo dos mechones de miradas... quizás juguemos cartas antes de vagar por el jardín otra vez
ya que las cosas están de vuelta en su lugar
que nada queda en el salón ya
ahora... es tiempo de desmantelarlo por completo una vez mas para que el jardín devore por completo en su ínfima eternidad

requiem al entredicho / requiem to the question

2008-02-26T13:16:00.005-05:00

[3.3.08

y esta fue tal vez la última entrada por la memoria de aquel a quien a pesar de sólo conocerle menos de un mes, hace 2 años, se ganó en un lugar muy especial en mi que ninguna otra persona a la fecha ha logrado ocupar ni antes ni después... until we meet again, my friend]

no volvimos a hablar como antes, la distancia se dejo sentir y reinar asi que no vale la pena redundar en ello, tu lo sabes tanto como yo... y las motivaciones de cada quien se reservan en cada silencio personal
sobrevivi a tu recuerdo y en orgullosa y relizada felicidad lo cante a los cuatro vientos, ahora que veo que podrias tener a alguien mas a quien fijar tus ojos algo empujo desde mi esternon diciendo: "y yo?"
enfrentando el hecho pues, el hecho que nada paso a mayores entre los dos, mayores en el sentido de periodo de tiempo, si es que el tiempo sirve para medir esas cosas... asi que ante el mutismo actual de ambas partes me asilo en ese detalle, quizas no fue tan importante... total fui yo la que hizo enfasis en el presente, verdad? aunque no fue sin que tu me lo hicieras recordar
echando tierrita a ese cofrecito bellamente tallado y repleto de todas las cosas que fuiste y no llegaste a ser en ese tiempo que andamos juntos. Salud pues por la grandiosa vida que tenemos, por la gente que conocemos, por el aire que respiramos y sobre todo, por que ambos estamos felices y con salud...

total, como dice la cancion, a veces (si es que no casi siempre) esta bien no saber todo de la situacion... lo pasado ya fue y dejar ir es lo mas saludable para disfrutar de lo actual... y sabes? lo que me alegra de esto es verte sonreir otra vez

/.../

[3.3.08

and might have been the last post in memory of the one who, despite knowing him less than a month 2 years ago, earned a very special place in me that no one else up to this date has gotten to earn nor later nor before... hasta que nos volvamos a encontrar, amigo mio]

we didn't talked again like before, distance let itself being felt and reign so it's worthless to talk about it, you know it as much as i do... and the reasons of each are reserved in each personal silence
i survived to your memory and in proud and successful happiness i sang it to the four winds, now that i see that you could have someone in whom you could fix your eyes, something pushed from my sternum saying "and me?"
facing the fact because, the fact is that nothing went any further between us, further in the meaning of period of time, if time is useful to measure such things... so facing the actual mutism between each part i take asylum in that detail, may be it wasn't that important... in the end it was me who made the emphasis on the present, isn't it true? although it wasn't without you reminding me of it
throwing dirt to that beautifully carved chest packed with all the things you were and didn't came to be in that time we hung out together. A toast then for the great life we have, to the people we know and will meet, for the air we breath and above all, because both are happy and healthy...

in the end, like the song says, sometimes (if it's not almost always) it's alright to not know everything about the situation... the past is gone and letting go is the healthiest to enjoy of the present... and you know? what makes me happy aof all this is seeing you smiling again

toc, toc, toc

2008-02-12T17:17:00.001-05:00

hey q tal, recien saliendo de la prision... diablos, asi era el soL? no es muy distinto que ahi adentro, eh? el candado en el pecho deja sentir su ausencia. caminando ergido otra vez... aunque por mucho tiempo añore esta sensación de terminar esta autocondena, ahora que se ha vencido, no se que hacer con tanta libertad, por segundos el vicio me llama para cubrir esa marca que ahi estuvo, tratar de llenarla otra vez con alguna ilusión o poema, quizás una aventura pero de vaho al fin y al cabo, no más concreta que la última vez que fui a hacer carreras de grifos o a jugar a las escondidas con los mukis. Encima esta libertad la consigo a pocos días del 14.2, más que perfecto para celebrar la amistad misma sin mayor tinte de algo más, tal cual solía hacer hace más de una década, casi con esa prístina sensación ahora complementada con lo aprendido en este recorrido de años... pero ahora es mucho mejor, en ese entonces aún no había enfrentado ese monstruo que yo misma me armé, y creo que muchos adolecen, que es el mounstruo de temer a estar solo... hubo un momento que desde el fondo eso surgió y dejé que me acorralara por que "es más facil que alguien más se encargue", hasta el día que me decidí tomar las riendas del asunto, enfrentar y cuando las cosas se estabilizaban, zas, empezó algo con alguien, y cuando eso se terminó, un super trailer me pasó por encima dejándome medio inconsciente los últimos 2 años en los que he hecho cada estupidez y canallada que si bien me reportaron ciertas satisfacciones, fueron más opio para un adicto a cocaína. Todo se me puso patas arriba, hasta la semana pasada en que todo, casi por arte de magia, volvió a su curso original... soy Greta otra vez, más fuerte, más consciente, más mona!, con el orgullo de Sun Wukong junto con su perseverancia y la de un toro, ahora las cosas las veo más tranquila, diantres! que rico se siente!
I'm dancing with myself again, I'm running free again, there's no point that shines more than others of the rear view mirror. I might not be the ruler of this world, but hey, who says I can't reach that place?!
It's good to be alive!!!

secular thoughts in monastic silence

2008-02-09T13:24:00.000-05:00

reaping shards at the corner of a room
silent and obnoxious for everyone like the kid who's separated from the class is for the teacher
stay in control, don't cross the line and always smile even if you don't have a real reason to do it
forget about yourself, it's what you're supposed to do
it's how we built this greatness in which we live
as we die

yearning and binding memories
ducks passing without permission (as if they needed one)
couldn't have been any better or worse, there's no way to double check how would it be

push me aside and walk away without turning back EVER
i'll ride on my way as i've been doing so far
and if you dare to turn around, wow, then try to put a tracker on me for i'm pretty easy to get lost (it's one of the best things of traveling light and alone)
shouldn't have been any surprising or expected, staring as if i didn't want it to happen
on the road, walking the mile that is thought to be the last for many, where does it leads? i have no clue for sure
shadows can't be held, they linger one step beside you for they choose to

inconcluso

2008-02-08T11:10:00.000-05:00

con una antorcha dilucidando la solidez de los muros que podrían ser tanto de roca, madera o vapor.
Asesino de la ilusión, en eso me convierto
después de años de intoxicarme en sueños gratuitos, cabalgar el viento (literalmente) sientiendo las frescas gotas de lluvia estrellarse en mi rostro para hacer una caída en picada y correr tomando pique para saltar esos cañones que quizás alguien más debe haber visto si alguna vez ha paseado por esos lugares descritos en la historia sin fin
madurez?
quizas, para dolor de mi orgullo, es conformismo
conformarme al hecho que, diantres, no hay escape "real"
muy bien, mentalmente puedo irme hasta donde nadie pueda ir, "recrearlo", regresar y contarlo, pero no es lo mismo que estar con la gente en el mismo lugar en el mismo momento... quiero creer que si se puede pero el método adolece de la inclusión de intermediarios, ya sean sonidos, palabras, texturas... es un intermediario, no es el objeto en si, perdón, no es la idea en sí
aun así recuerdo un hecho, que bien todas estas visiones podrían estar superpuestas en esta misma realidad pero por X motivos sólo nos centramos en esta... aun así recuerdo que los mejores viajes los he hecho por mi cuenta pero de cuando en cuando me pica el bicho de "diablos, a tal persona le encantaría esto!" y sé que no puedo jalarle, así como quien se mete una moneda en el bolsillo, para que aparezca en el mismo lugar-tiempo en el que "estoy"
y si todo esto es una ilusión, cada sonido, cada aroma, cada superficie, sabor e imagen, y peor aún, cada "sentimiento"... entonces que carajos hacemos aca? vadeando en esa línea del nihilismo peco de cobardía y me aferro al hecho de que vale más sacarle esquilar la oveja que tienes, que quedarte viendo a las vicuñas pastando a lo lejos.
we come alone, we leave alone
that's what i've known so far
there might be some people who can travel with us for moments
but those are so ephemereal that we can only appreciate them as long as they last
is there some way to prove the opposite?
so far, i don't know, may be that "conection" that sometimes is shared between people is the antithesis... but so far, the tests are too few to draw conclusions from them.

blue blood

2007-10-15T01:11:00.000-05:00

with the kings and queens easily forgotten under the iron fist of new power we drank the last drop of liquor left at the bottom of zeus' cup

we laughed
and we laughed so much that we were almost thrown away again with the fearless gods we once prayed to... insanity we find

nobody knows exactly why we're here
or how did we arrived... as bacterias we're put under some kind of microscope and they stare at us pretending they have nothing we have, they're nothing alike us... and in every description, in every adjective they find themselves the heritage we left for them, our sons and daughters, mixed through the ages and we find they've become this... our judges

so this is what goes...

2007-09-02T00:13:00.000-05:00

i decided not to go out and just go n see you
it's funny, you know? receiving someone with that song it's more a joke than anything else... is that an song of those old days? one of those you get some nice lines out of? and still they made me smile, damn it! i could fall (eventuallY) but like some knights say "you can't beat me with the same technique twice"
so you'd better play your best shot, take your darkest and sexiest tricks out of your pocket and start me up for what you were thinking about if that's what you were thinking about, weren't you my dear? so if you weren't then there's nothitng you should feel compelled to do...
so this is what we've been through? it's nice you've been alright babe, life's a roller-coaster, don't you think? just when you thought there was nothing new, voila! there's a new turn, a new loop and screaming and all that experience that reminds you how alive you're
you've traveled, i'd done it too, you've danced to strange beats as i've done.. so what's the problem here?
i'll see you soon darling, whether you're ready or not... :)

-

2007-08-24T12:31:00.000-05:00

instead... while we sleep and the comfrontations are left in some other realm... i saw you there, did you notice? sometimes i think you never do at all

[7.02.08: notese la rochosa y mal tomada influencia de "push it" versión en vivo]

la cupula nos cubre una vez mas, mi aliento se condensa en la ventana y los pajaros aun buscan comida
la humeda brisa que penetra en todos los lugares irrumpiendo invisible... el frio se siente aun dentro de casa, van volando

sostenemos lo que tenemos y ... por un segundo pretendemos haber alcanzado mas (sonreimos) (buscamos una mirada) y todo lo que nos espera al final de esta vacua espera es lo que a nosotros nos convenga encontrar, lo que en el fondo deseemos
que fue lo que buscamos? las razones no se exponen hasta que se disfruta la victoria, hasta que nos damos cuenta que tal vez... eso no era suficiente.. o peor aun, no era lo que queiamos

tibio y desnudo en la arena que usabas para jugar y otras cosas mas, sostenienes esa expresion de "cargame", puedo negarme? claro que si pero sabes que no lo haria,no a ti por lo menos, ven y duerme un momento, suenia qe no hay otro lugar mas alla, no hay mas alla
confias en mi?
al menos asi parece... o me conviene creer

respiramos del mismo aire que exhalamos, otros se ocupan de lo que descartamos, incosncientes de ese ciclo dando todo por sentado nos miramos el ombligo y cuestionamos la inmortalidad, el tiempo y la noseque que nos puso ahora, aqui... por primera vez sonries, por primera vez sinceramente llloras... sabes? y al final no era tan complicado

aun meciendome comodamente en tus brazos, aun confiando que no me soltaras y que lo qu siento son tus manos, que con los ojos cerrados aun me besas, que por un segundo puedo creer que nunca hubo alguen antes... miento, que no habra nadie despues
aunque yo cambie? aunque parezca otra persona? entonces, seguire siendo yo o un remedo para agradarte? aun con los ojos cerrados y en la humeda oscuridad que envuelve este encuentro busco una luz que me guie pero tan solo es algo sin fondo... aun estas ahi pues aun lo siento

reaccionamos sobre lo que ha pasado, autopsia de un momento? asesinato subdito? el pulso acelerado nos permite un poco mas torpes en el camino de la logica, aun mas torpes de lo que eramos al llegar.... en silencio veo un refljo que parecen ser tus ojos (o es el espejo?)... silencio sostenido, un gruto ahogado y solo siento tu mano, puedes tener toda la certeza que soy yo? confusion en este momento es lo que menos ayuda al sentirse vulnerable, es lo que a muchos empuja a cerrarse... ese es mi cuello, lo se... aun estoy respirando, lo sientes?, ... percibe cada una de mis bocanadas pasando a pocos milimetros de tus palmas, siente como mi sangre aun se abre paso levantando ligereamente las yemas de tus dedos, pero no presiones demasiado que como todo, es mas gragil de lo que parece pero resiste mas de los esperado... sientes como todo va bajando de ritmo? ya no siento mis extremidades, puedo oler tu aliento tan cerca a mi rostro susurandome al oido lo que nunca antes te atreviste a convesar "manten el secreto" sabes que lo haria, "manten el secreto" tu sabes que no te traicionaria.. sin embargo siento todo nublado, siento que me fui, pero a pesar de toda la ausencia, aun te siento a ti.

=

DESPIERTO TAL CUAL ME ENCONTRE CONTIGO, AUN ESTAS CALENTANDO ESE LUGAR A MI LADO... TU MANO AUN EN MI CUELLO, TU BOCA AUN JUNTO A MI OIDO... SOSTENGO UN MOMENTO LA RESPIRACION, procuro no despertarte al levantarme,
yaces en suprema tranqilidad, nisiqueira recuerdo a que secreto nos referiamos ha unas horas... y regreso a tu lado para verte, tocarte, pensar por un momento que ya nada mas tenemos que decirnos en toda la eternidad, que no hay mas barreras ni sitios ajenos para el otro... por una lado me agrada la idea, por otro me aterra perder mi propia identidad al unirme tanto asi... tenerte tan dentro y aun preferirte a unos metros lejos... pero aun asi confio, quiero creer que asi sera. entiendes?

-

tus adormilados ojos pe atraviesan con una sonrisa, un buenos dias salido de tu boca es lo que prefiero en este planeta para empezar el dia, "manten el secreto" es lo que aun resuena en mi cabeza, cual secreto? al final casi no existe semejante cosa entre nosotros, podria tener el cuadro de enfermedad mas detestable y no tendria problemas en que me cambies los pañales mientras vuelo en frases delirantes sobre cosas que antes no dije, confio en ti, te lo dije!... hora de desayunar es de todos modos, la vista desde esta ventana es lo maximo, te lo dije alguna vez? pues ahora lo sabes
cuestionando lo que hicimos? cuestionando lo que hiciste? es esa la mirada de confusion que capto mientras cambias el canal de tv? toma cariño, facil es solo la falta de comida despues de tantas horas, ven y sientate conmigo...

¿

asi se fueron las horas, un saludo, caricias y un adios... como un borrador de una novela que jamas saldra a verse, demasiado para ser comprendida por alguien mas... las escenas aun se filtran en mi vida diaria, tu rostro mientras converso con alguin, al punto que se me esta por escapar tu nombre en la cara de algun conferencista... como es posible que te hayas fijado tan profundamente en tan poco tiempo? no me importa realmente, solo se que hay algo aqui en medio que de cuando en cuando hace falta y lo peor es que se que la pieza faltante la tienes tu... no se exactamente si a esto se llama extraniar, no se si hasta califica de obsesion pero el hecho es que quimica como la que hubo entre nosotros no he vuelto a experimentar, decias mis ideas antes de que las termine armar, no tengo la seguridad de haber hecho eso contigo pero en fin, rastros electricos, es todo lo que queda ahora, ningun objeto en esta realidad para percibir mas que toda la ruma de recuerdos, sonidos, palabras y sensaciones que no se borran a pesar de esta brillante ausencia que has dejado en tu lugar.

so you'd better leave your money doooown...

2007-08-23T02:48:00.000-05:00

en fin, de algo se empieza para escribir, dicen, primero lo haces con el corazon, dejas que las palabras salgan directamente a tus dedos y de ahi despues corriges tranquil@ con la cabeza... joer, menudo proceso...

es para preguntarse o tal vez para responderse, como decia en un comic... el universo es como una isla en un oceano de nada, asi que asi salgas de la isla.. si, eso... curioso pues hoy converse de ello con un amigo y siempre ese tema me hace recordar ese episodio de los pitufos en que pitufina quiso escapar de la realidad por que se le murio su mascota... ese dia de mi chiquititud entendi que no habia salida, ni portal ni nada... todo esta encerrado y cualquier "alternativa" estaba friamente localizada dentro de este manicomio amorfo adimensional... no es maravilloso?

pero que hace a la gente querer escapar? a fin de cuentas lo que uno ve es lo que quiere ver en buena parte... asi hay quienes sin asco veran arboles caerse mientras que otros casi cegaran ante el asco que produce el atropellar la vida de ese modo... indiferencia o ignorancia? a estas alturasn o se puede clamar ninguna, el mundo esta a un click de distancia y si estamos como estamos es por que asi lo elegimos.. cuanto tiempo podemos seguir asi? personalmente no estoy dispuesta a seguir la corriente asi que estoy armando otras cosas por mi parte y creo que no soy la unica con un plan similar, en fin mis estimad@s, tiempo es para echarme a dormir pues, los planes en ejecucion no se detienen y requieren un minimo de 100% de Greta para ser realizados! ahi l@s veo o leo, lo q suceda 1ro :D

in silence we breath

2007-08-21T23:32:00.000-05:00

there are some events that i should cover here, some sad, some of despair and with that style.. but i won't, this is a rocario, so here's what a dream and a song make me write... this one goes for A&M

it's been so lonely lately, i wake up, i do my stuff, i look through the window and that hemisphere of clouds that cover everything making me believe i'm caught inside some sort of xmas gift... but no one comes to put it upside down anymore
i smell the trash and the essense you left, so yours, so personal and without mistake i'd find you just by following it, delicious reminder of what you've done to my life
we've been separated all this time, some new scars, some new wrinkles and stories which might be told if there's a chance for it, you know i'm open to share everything with you, you know i'm saying this for real... we've been to many places and situations, i can't take the time back, i can't make those memories fade away nor all the stupid things i've done but i can assure you this: all that i've been through made me better so you've got the best in the end... life's a lot different with you, and i like it.

i'm staring at the roof, didn't noticed those spots while you were here, there was nothing for me to pay attention to but you, the world could have crumbled down and i'd have been staring at you while making our way to safety...

still, that's gone, still, we've gone on with our lives, that's how it was meant to be, wasn't it? different countries, different careers, still we had a good time i know i fell for you, now you know i did... still it doesn't made any difference, destiny had other roles for us and that's what we've done so far. I'm doing pretty good lately, what about you?
walking through pictures and sounds, is it still the same? even those get old and the feeling fades as we grow up, it's not as thrilling as the last time, it's not as rewarding and we keep looking for more, that's what's keeps me moving and craving for the next wave, in the meantime, i mold and die on my bed waiting for something more interesting to do than wait for a lighting to strike my head and survive...
the reflection in the mirror isn't familiar sometimes, how could you stare at me when i looked like that? i still don't know, the sky doesn't seem to know the pestilence in the city, the graveyard some dig day by day with their pens and smiles in a job they despise, i hope it's not your case babe, i wished a lot better than that last time we saw each other

anyway, the night is smooth and not as cloudy as this morning, cold as never before, damn it, should have brought my gloves (but pockets are still good), my nose is freezing, echoes of the shadows we left somewhere and laughs caught while holding hands... i never smiled so completely with someone who wasn't a close relative like i did with you... a few cars pass by, oh my nose is freezing cold! smiling helps sometimes, and it seems like this is one of those "times", i run to nowhere but not too far, i still have a few things to complete there, with you? don't be silly! you became a fraction of my imagination a while ago, and even if you read these lines, you know it wasn't for you completely but for the image i still have of you too.

daydreaming, wasn't that what we had in common too? could we spend almost the whole day doing it, coffee? not for me thanks not at this hour, besides you always knew i wasn't a coffee person at all, a little difference with you, uh? but it was nothing while resting sleeping so close to you, the world was still the same, air was still the same, i was the same person but this reaction just highlighted everything that was good everywhere, hope was endless and all the chances were taken at once, with the strenght of thousands of universes but still with the trace of doubt, little enough to let everything crash with the slightest blow, "everyone deserves a second chance" is what i told you once before you left, what i didn't tell you was that they should feel that they deserved the chance for real, that they learned of their mistakes... have we learned of ours? whatever is meant to be is... i don't want to spend my life trying to fight that anymore, i've got more than enough with what i call reality...

cheers mate!

2007-07-19T21:40:00.000-05:00

it's been easy, as claiming this is an ancient anthem

could be a naiveness attack... but it would be forgotten for sure

so here's what i'm toasting for... freedom to decide

whether you believe you shall fight against titles or enjoy chasing them i don't care... drama's all yours mate! so, cheers!

n listen

2007-06-22T01:27:00.001-05:00

dreaming of the beats and lights, it's almost the time and they won't forgive if we let this pass, we're and we have to make it worth it each second we spend here
dreaming of the whispers they won't listen when the music is filling every corner of the place, not even when some scream names trying to reach them, not even if it's about their lost drinks... tacit promises on the tray, silent treaties signed under the bar... time to get along with the game... listen... it's the call, the main lights are off and only the dance floor has life in it, time for attack.
and they won't regret losing another person and they won't remember those that made them cry. there's a crowd to please and money to collect, it's time for everything but remembrance
did you hear that? it's someone's heart, it's someone's mind on the floor again, neurotic jumping on the chairs looking for a smoke or just something to look cooler, did you hear that? it was your glass meeting the floor, it was your wallet kissing the stairs, it was your heels staying 3 steps behind you, it was that slap on your butt and the blink of that person at your fine body... it's not time for regret nor remembrance, it's now and nothing else... let them dance and pray
taking a break for a while, a good time to stare outside and through the windows it looks like a scene from bad junkie movie, its taking too long, they better get in, it isn't over yet... did you hear that? a slammed door crushing someone's look and hopes, it's no time to remember there was a heartbeat in the beginning.
come with what you've got, stand still and walk, smile and sell, please as much as you please, satisfy them and go to sleep... it feels so humid and hot and starts again.
will they let it go? will they find the same they like in a few hours when they wake up and look at themselves in the mirror? it's not time for remembrance, it's now what matters the most "i can't fix what happened" is the first and last line they have in their minds every night. colorful joy and bliss, defenseless novices at the place, allucinated people and too much alcohol to dispose of, hands full of bills awaiting for more and more like there would not be any other day... there was a target in the beginning and it was forgotten.
they were into it for it, they thought of fighting for it, they swore on their blood... and it's gone, almost buried, almost forgotten... but as long as they don't make up their minds on what they really want they'll be in between 2 worlds, no where to escape but with a single decision to take. it shouldn't be that hard, don't you think? just like everynight, getting ready and staring at themselves in the mirror, looking very different from what they were long ago, some music tracks as reminders of what started everything and there they leave, there they arrive, so tired to realise time is gone so easy and is not coming back. it was easy, once, when faking wasn't a daily event

blessed morning

2007-06-18T00:38:00.000-05:00

entire, complete, whole
that's the size of my bed
clouds in the line of sight of the sun and i
it still lets some rays go through them
is there something really new under the sun or clouds? always... but it seems to pass unnoticed to everyone... there's something new for all kinds of taste, mood and whatever your exquisite mind and heart might want to find... the question is... do you want to see it? do you feel worthy to see it? do you feel corageous enough to see it?...
i think that is the whole question...

for many people will never find their "love" because they are so afraid of being dissapointed that they reject everyone and everything... and/or believe they've seen them all so they limit the world to what they know... what for? avoid the unknown with all its "new" ways to impress and dissapoint? it seems true for me the more i see acting like that... and that's just one example

are you one of them?... you'll say "no" of course... but you know better than anyone how many things you despise and still live with it regardless the fact you know you're able to do something about it... so like a friend used to say, each one knows how to kill with their own fleas (and/or live with them?)

l

2007-06-13T16:07:00.000-05:00

es tan comun que ya no se que hacer
asistire, si, pero no esperen un sonrisa de mi parte
si ven que mis ojos se fijan en "nada" no pregunten por que
estoy distensandome
no me detengan ni dirijan palabra alguna hacia mi, no respondere
urgare bajo mis uñas
quitare la mugre que yace en ellas
eras tu verdad?
cuando dispusiste las cosas ese dia, fue con total intención y alevosía, verdad?
ya sali de ese círculo asi que este es un simple cuestionamiento, como una tercera persona que desconoce el asunto en si...
los dedos se han deslizado alguna vez y en la tranquilidad de una luna llena se pensó en algo que ya no vale la pena seguir indagando sobre sus posibilidades... ya fue asi de simple... ya fue

&

2007-06-11T11:39:00.000-05:00

i saw you this morning, pretty bright morning for being autumn/winter time... the same song i used to remember when i hung out with you was playing and i just stared at you, i don't think you noticed that
it can be so far, uh? not even a memory, not even a trace or something but a fuzzy remembrance between laughter and relax, some have told me that i shouldn't have told you that in that moment, that i should had kept that for my self... anyway, it's gone, done and gone like the song in this moment... i told you how i felt about that what my plans were and how happy i would be if you joined me, something broke at that moment, both of us heard that like glass wrapped in fabric crushed in great detail quickly and patiently until there were no large pieces to break... i think it was fear against dreaming, so fragile, so ephemer(e)al, so unmesaurable to be taken in a further conversations... and you just looked somewhere else, needless to say what your answer was for you say no word about it anymore, it was almost like you've been abducted and nothing within those seconds had ever happened.. and farewell, see you later, be safe, good bye
it makes me feel like i'm insane... may be this never happened and it's just part of my fragile state of mind, again...

inclemente

2007-06-09T15:21:00.000-05:00

he leido historias y una q otra me inspira escribir algo mas
vaya palabra mas grande "inspira"
quizas nisiquiera llegue al nivel basico pero que diablos, palabras salen de estos dedos otra vez

mientras scucho un piano con una rica percusion y vientos me tiento y repienso el postear la grandiosa apocaliptica frase "plant the seed of the avarice in the infertile land of the stupidity and will obtain the beautiful flower of the crap", traduccion del español de Fuckowski

que ironia
entenderia alguien eso? aun peor
lo tomarian personal? es muy probable
en tanta noica de quien odia mas a quien y te pego antes que me dispares es muy probable que eso sea
al fin y al cabo, n un lugar donde llama mas la atencion los escandaletes de los juglares, o mejor dicho, simulacro de juglares de la actualidad, que se puede esperar?
en fin

no... veo las estadisticas y ese mamotreto llamado emo tiene varios adeptos como si no hubiera sido suficiente la avalancha de adolescentes malformados con ganas de desquite que atosigaron los parlantes en los ultimos 20 anios... pero que diablos, libertad de expresion le llaman, economia de mercado le responden, venga vea pruebe y compre le dicen... n la variedad esta el gusto, no?

old one...

2007-05-19T15:43:00.000-05:00

i look through those spaces i forbade to stare at again long ago...
i'm becoming so stiff that the wood chair pains while i'm sitting on it...
a drop tears my face without my allowance of course
i refuse to cry... but my eyes do
i refuse to let the knot in my throat make my nose bleed, but it does...
with the salty taste on my tongue i know it's dropping, again
i'm not saying a word
i don't have to

i stare at my fingers, can't recognize them at all, but they move when i want to so these must be mine... at least something i can control...

i used to walk there, i used to laugh there... i used to rule there
no one could say the opposite, all my world was the truth, made by my word under my own will
and now i can't even make this stop
should i take the pills they say i must?
should i forget and believe what they say?
is there something wrong on letting me rule again?
i brought peace and common sense to this kind
i taught them what was right and wrong
all i asked for was their obedience... and they've turned against me... like i did some time ago

but i did it because it was my right to do it
i did it because we couldn't live under that stage
i did it because i knew there was nothing really important for me to lose if that situation prospered
i did it because i wanted to live
and i was successful
and i made it through... i saw this becoming real and saw their grateful grinning faces trying to look at me... i was pleased, my heaven, at last... and no once could say the opposite

but suddenly someone started to do the same i once did
should i be mad at them?
i should be glad to see my creations becoming as strong and stronger than me... but why do they hurt me that much? did i treated that bad the one i did the same some time ago? i can't remember
i don't want to remember

and with my selective amnesia i choose to faint
and dream away of the times
i was respected, i was feared and praised
everyone believed my word
everyone bowed at me
no one would pronounce my name without reverance
and no one would go to sleep without thinking of me and thanking of my great deeds

now i'm forgotten
just another issue to be questioned, studied and buried if proved i'm not worth my usefullness
studied
shaped
disected and object of interpretation
am i not clear enough?
didn't i taught them the language i speak?
why can't they understand?
why they keep asking me these things?
why am i wrapped with this long-sleeved shirt???

income

2007-05-07T22:15:00.000-05:00

without a trace on my path... i look forward to what's beyond that line...

was someone behind? i don't know for i didn't turn back, not again, if someone follows or leaves, i care not anymore... if there's someone next to me, that's what i'll notice for sure...

thristy, not hungry, thirsty... and the land reclaims my feet and my breath... i don't scream anymore, just listen to the breeze i missed for so long... and missed... and missed...

it isn't cold, it isn't hot and not even warm feeling nothing but that calm loneliness right in the begining of this new trip... far away

0.

2006-11-23T13:26:00.000-05:00

it was a while ago, i can't remember when

i was proud of my achievements
and i was looking for a new goal
so i sat down with my fellows
and told them about my quest

"i've beaten death
i've crossed the skies more than twice
i've reached the infinitum and came back
with my closed eyes defeated zillions
with my bare hands build worlds
now that my last challenge is done
is there something left for me at all?"

- yes you've reached a peak we never thought you'll ever do, you've surprised us all... but why do you want something else? you've got everything you wanted, you've got a loved one in your heart...

"yes you're right... perhaps i should stay and be with my love without looking for any other challenge, i don't need them at all"

and in that moment, my joking part came out saying

oooh yes, you've reached the peak, beaten thousands with a blink of an eye, crossed the sky and blah blah blah... but i bet you can't live without your love... even more, that you don't love your cherish as much as you claim

i couldn't help it, i turned around, looked at them straight in the eye, i could see their challenging desire as they saw mine
one of my fellows said "don't take it seriously, don't risk"
and it gave me more impulse to take the bet

"that i can't? that I CAN'T??? my love is infinite times stronger than all that i've given to achieve everything else!!! my love is greater than myself!!! it's in my core, it's me and my love knows it" i said, while looking at my love's eyes who was holding my hand with a smile... oh, how much i loved...

then if it's true so... i bet you can't find your loved one without all your features that helped you to do such things you've done... including your memories with your love...

i looked at my love... our eyes crossed and i heard my love's voice saying "i know you can, i'd be able to do the same under the same circumstances"... so with that smile i took the challenge

"i don't think it'd be fair for you to look for your love if both of you are not in the same place so that's what i'm granting you, both of you will be in the same place... let the game begin"

and that's how i landed here in this planet
i don't remember at all what i've done before
this is just what many would say an allucination
but there are days that i can hear my love's voice
when i see a certaing type of look
that look which is stuck inside me, it's part of me
that look that i know i'm finding again
so i fear not... because i know my love remembers mine too

wntr

2006-11-22T11:02:00.000-05:00

so here i am... not sure if i lost someone
not sure if i'm supposed to be alone
just struggling
is this what i'm supposed to do??
is this all what i came for?
if it's so...
i'll give them a reason to never challenge me without being prepared!!!
i'm alone
yes i am
i'm struggling
the fist battle was stupid
was against myself due to my own stupidity
but after all
i've learned
and standing on my own ashes
i'm looking at the horizon
far
uncertain
cloudy
i smile
because for some moments i find that there're still things to figth for
because i could comform to this situation and give up
but those things make me remember
that all this can be better
hell... a lot better
for us all
and may be
may be... who knows... then i'll might be holding somoeone's hand

the smell of smog clogs my throat
but i go on
the scent of blood in the air reminds me those who have fallen
but i keep walking
holding all i'm
and holding on to that idea that there must be something else here than just a fair and beautiful scenario
there's something else... there it is... so close, too close to be perceived by everyone
i feel some injuries
but i don't fall
silent voices claim for help
silent voices ask me to stop this madness
the same that call me to sleep tight
and dream just like there's nothing to look for
and i refuse
i refuse
I REFUSE
to live the same way all of them do
regretting what they did
wondering if there really is another chance but hiding into their safe caves
if you want to know if the thunder is a god
you must expose yourself to the open field
and reach for the sky
and run through the woods until you realise
that it's no more god than you're

but once you realise it
how do you explain it to the rest of those who stayed in the cave?
there are no words
just tales
a fair way to explain something to someone who doesn't really know and doesn't want to know about it

it's a risk
i'm risking what many call mind-sake
i'm risking what many call a decent life
i'm risking this thing i remember
this time i've been given to discover if there really is a god inside every thunder
it's my life
at all
even when there are things i don't remember

///....///
WHY I DON'T DEMAND
something tells me
that if i do
it'll take something in exchange
would be the same thing i've asked for
would be something needed to complete what i asked for
i don't regret
i just don't forget
how mischievous can turn the words which are used
for i played with them
for i laughed when i did it... without guilt
i know how it would work
yes
it sounds like mistrust
but
there are many things i don't remember
it must be for something... something that i might be paying for right now
but if it was to forget you
i think they haven't done a good work at it!
but my wish would be to meet you again
but not yet... not yet
i might be ready
in fact, i am
i miss you so much... why do i feel like a part of my chest ... my whole chest is calling you???
why do i feel like we have to wait a little longer when i'm longing you without meeting you?
i'm not lost
i just.. .don't want you to find me doing nothing
i wouldn't like to find you in that situation either
wherever you're... my love for you
my heat for you
like i once did
you know i love you
you know i loved you
just... hold on a little longer
we'll meet
but not yet... not yet

1day

2006-11-19T23:55:00.000-05:00

there was a day when i was strolling, alone as usual
smiling and laughing at everything around
i was so amused and happy

then
my eyes crossed your path
my eyes met yours
and laugher and amusement were gone

i didn't know how to speak
i didn't know how to smile
i was stunned
your look just stunned me at once

but i couldn't stay like that
i don't like giving up myself that way
so i reacted
i looked for the minimum requirements of my own system to operate
and i smiled back at you and said "hi!, how are you doing?"
i barely could start the second line
but it came so easily
it came like a beat, like exhaling when you're breathing
i found i was able to talk making sense while i though "for everything that is sacred here and beyond, you're amazing and i'm not afraid of getting lost with you"
and i felt like i should give you everything at once
i felt like i must do it
but i had to hold myself a little with some effort to do it slowly
and you proved everytime you deserved all that credit line
just because of your eyes

some say you can see people's soul through their eyes
i don't know what did i see
for it's not the first time i see eyes as beautiful as yours
but it was you
only you
who made me feel
like everything was alright
just by being where your eyesight is... just where you are

those eyes

2006-11-17T19:48:00.000-05:00

he might look like a hero
but i won't wait for him to save me
he might be the greatest cheff
but i can cook meals for myself
he might clean my tears before they reach my lips
but i'm able to stand up and go on
he might make me smile and laugh anytime
but i can make good jokes all the time

i don't want a servant
for a servant wouldn't let me serve him even when it's what i'd do

then what is what he might offer?
is it love?
love is not a currency
love can't be paid with anything
it is given, not taken
it is for that guy who can solve this riddle which is not a riddle at all
it's just a statement
it's just part of me

solve the line
and you'll get the library

back

2006-11-07T12:52:00.000-05:00

it started with "she's my little rock n roll"
then matrix
or they were at the same time
all i know is that i needed
i wanted
something since i was little
something that seems so close but i can't reach with these hands
i wanted to make those fantasies real
i wanted to live forever like a child
i wanted to talk with the characters
i wanted to walk through the escenarios
that i only knew about them by stories, movies, and those things that are supposed to be only in our mind... but i refused to believe that
i thought i left thinking about that possibility long ago
but after watching that movie again
i realised that i didn't
in fact
in some way i still... and i refuse to know about them without getting to know them
that's what i have to say... for now

those days

2006-11-01T16:34:00.000-05:00

i scratch my head, try to do not think about you but the way the blankets lay over the bed reminds me the way i stretched myself against you...
i laugh... i just grab my tshirt and put it on... the idea of your figure next to me assaults my head again, i giggle after 4 seconds staring at the roof almost feeling your breath on my ear whispering my name, almost feel your skin with my lips, almost feel your warmth on my chest, i swear i can see you right now but i can't touch you...
as i walk to the door i take a look at myself in the mirror, can't remove this feeling of my head, can't avoid my hands to wonder about you, can't help my voice on calling your name, i stare at my own foolishness in front of me and in some way i'm glad to know this is not a nightmare even when almost feels like that, you know why? because this can be again, and again, and again...

i'm choking with my dialy tasks but the fresh idea of being with you is like a breeze that i can take in this ocean of duties... cracking jokes, riding my bike or walking to the job meeting, there's always something to remind me of you, i must me insane, i must be intoxicated, i became addicted to you even when i know i can live without you i choose not to.

meanwhile, i'll wander in this place, do my stuff, i'll let myself being assaulted by the thought of you and, eventually, when we meet, i'll make you feel exactly the same (or even more)

you'll stare at the clock, you'll search for my head on the pillow next to you, you'll smell that space trying to find my esence, listen to the song we sang together and wonder anxiously about
the next time we meet again... by now, you must know that i miss you

3.2.1.

2006-10-30T12:38:00.000-05:00

few songs
wordless

in the day i've to go back to my days
in the night i've to pick up my corpses
i've found out
i've found out that i was alone all the time
and it wasn't as bad as many thought... as many said

i'm strolling
i'm dealing with uncertainty
i'm just whistling a song i don't know
i'm improvising
without any education, a real one, on music
just my taste, my rhythm... and no one ever says anything about it

i'm walkin alone

i'm whistling alone
i'm traveling light with the only thing i need to go on

myself

i see the sun
i see the moon,
i feel the wind and the water beneath
the warm fire within

and the earth that still gives me the sensation of being here

perfidia

2006-10-28T01:07:00.000-05:00

i write this because i want
i think about this because... i want

even when i know in fact... today... it's like sowing on the clouds

and this song could tell what is on my mind
i haven't forgotten what you were while you were around
i don't even know if you care and so far it looks like the most probable thing is that you won't even know about it... but it's here

someone could understand what i'm going through
i'm alone but not trembling
everyone stares at me, laughs and leaves

if you can speak with your god
ask if i ever stopped thinking of you
and to the sea, mirror of my heart
the times that has seen me crying the illusion of your love

i've looked for you all around and i can't find you
why do i want someone else if you would be still around?
and you... who knows where you'd be wandering
who knows what adventure you'd have that you're far away from me

so this is the report of that part
a few words to explain it

i'm, in some way, stuck with you
yeah, you...

the one who showed me that illusions can be true even for a short time
i'd lie if i don't admit that i wanted to go a little further
i'd lie if i say i'm not looking forward seeing you
i'd lie if i say that i'm not a fool in some way

but that's how i lie on the fields of hope where you left me
that, at least for a moment, there was someone who fulfilled most of what i was looking for
that it wasn't neccesary to search to be found
and in fields of hope my illusion passes by
in fields of hope holds your figure and smiles while says those three words i haven't spoken since then... there it doesn't forget you and, in some way, isn't waiting for you

and that's, in some way, a good part of the ideas that come to my mind
when i think of you

anything on the run

2006-10-27T12:03:00.000-05:00

just a song i liked a lot
anything you want by Roy Orbison
stoy los suficientmnt feliz para escribirlo
y vaya q ntr las cosas curiosas d hoy ncontre el blog q sta interesante d una chica de Singapur

"honey honey.. looks like a superstar!"

preguntame

2006-10-26T11:27:00.000-05:00

es curioso
hasta estupido
como es que aun asalta la idea mi mente
como es que sin permiso arrebata mi concentracion
asi sin delicadeza, solo una sutil sugerencia y caigo
otra
vez

me veo en un espejo en el fondo de este salon
vacio al final de la fiesta, trastos por doquier
y ninguna otra figura que use el aire que libre vaga
nunca espere que se quedara

MIENTO!

si lo hice, si sonie con eso
aun conociendo como terminaria el asunto
sabiendo desde el primer momento que con fecha de vencimiento
esto ya habia empezado

asi sostengo la mirada a esa reflexion
toda arreglada
cansada
y tampoco hay figuras ajenas a mi en el salon ahi adentro
trastos... recuerdos
algun sonido que de colada completa la escena

pero al final sola en el salon... con mi reflejo al fondo del salon

y sabrias que pienso ahora?
y te importaria saber que pienso ahora?
los dias discurrieron con la anuencia de la memoria
pero esta persistio incolume en su nucleo
abrigando esa ilusion
pensando en que tal vez... este salon no quede solo conmigo

sonrio
me rio
y cambio mi vestimenta a uno de esos trajes con los que usualmente vago
salto y ya no espero
sigo con lo que debo
y asi estare hasta el momento que, tal vez, esa idea me asalte otra vez
por lo menos se
que no arrebatara de la misma forma... no otra vez

show

2006-10-20T11:01:00.000-05:00

so you've come to see me (again)

the music's rhythm fills the scenario

you're just waiting for me to appear

lights around, changing shapes like the taste of music you've been stepping into these last years...

i come out

i sing my lyrics

i sing about what i've dreamed, do you really care?

i hear you screaming, i hear you calling my name and jumping with the beat i've composed

crescendo

i move... i reach your eyes

and i start the show just for you

tell me how you feel

there's no one else i could care more about in this world in this moment

and the invisible wall between us

i'm just doing what i know i do best

i ask you to sing with me

GO!

let it rain down on me... let it just rain on me... and tell me how you feel, the beat hits us again

are you ready?

a little warm up before i reach the sky, all your hands up, all waiting for the call
and i'm a little nervous, but i know what to do
i should feel terrorized, i should feel relieved
and i trust you, do you trust me?
this is something no one can take away from us

this little moment we share holding our sights
eye to eye in the crowd, i chose you
i have nothing especial, i do nothing you couldn't
i release my demons and angels
i release myself
and i turn and dance and laugh and cry, just like you

the only difference is that i got a little more attention
but it's something you can get too
we're not that different
but we let this invisible wall stand between us
we let this show go on
with the lights above us all
and the sound surrounding our lives, just breathing for the excitement of the moment

AND SCREEAAAAAAM FOR ME!!!!

and i'll turn around
i will have lost your eyes
but the show must go on
and there's no time for lust
i hear you screaming among all the voices
the music is fading away
i must go... will we ever meet again?
i hope so... i hope so

dumbo

2006-10-19T00:36:00.000-05:00

viajando en el bus me encontre con pensamientos sobre, en caso de alguna vez tener que responder una pregunta de matiz religioso, cuál sería la mejor respuesta sin caer en el clásico ateismo o agnosticismo?

mas o menos en esa imaginaria entrevista me respondi

"ninguna pues si ahora me estan entrevistando no es por la simpatia o antipatía que me haya ganado o me pueda ganar de algún sector religioso en particular, estoy aqui por otros méritos y creo que este es un punto para poner a reflexionar a la gente que considera que 'su' creencia es la única a la que pertenecen personajes que aportan algo de corazón a la sociedad"

al regreso de ese viaje me di cuenta lo importante en si no es la creencia que la gente adopte sino el hecho que mediante ésta pueda encontrar en sí misma esa sincera calidad y calidez humana con la cual se permite compartir y vivir con tolerancia en este mundo... entonces me di cuenta que eventualmente en cierta forma, a mi entender, la religión o creencia de vida que uno lleve es como la pluma de Dumbo, es sólo algo en lo cual enfocarse para explotar aquello que en cada uno reside pero al igual que la pluma de Dumbo, hasta que la persona misma no se de cuenta que está volando por su cuenta, lo mejor será no hacerle notar que lo que sostiene es una simple y ligera pluma

betrayal

2006-10-18T13:01:00.000-05:00

an illusion i must confess
an illusion is what fills my head and takes solitude to another path
and that's how that memory comes back and with that bright smile that reminds me the day when i said "it's ok, i'm stayin', i'm stayin'!" right in the moment when i turned and saw that figure coming up the stairs, looking a little tired, a little worried... and i just said "i missed you so much! i called you! where have you been?" (and it only was a week without seeing each other)... and well, that's the illusion, the name i shouldn't speak, not even whisper... i just should... let it rest because the only sure thing is that this illusion is in my mind and look like always be like i said when i answered "siempre"

call it loud

2006-10-08T15:44:00.000-05:00

the sun in shining outside, here i'm still wearing pjs and blue jeans... who else would care? i should, i know i should..
and no one is asking for me until 5 when the meeting is taking place
and the sun will be shining by then? i don't know, what would Apollo say?

and i write what comes to my freak mind, kinda blue but still together (to get her mind - my mind!)
i'll take a walk... no
i'll ride my bike... good night!

oh musas

2006-10-03T14:07:00.000-05:00

aaah.
ayer lei una novela, "memorias de un ingeniero"... solo lo puedo resumir ahora en una palabra "genial" ... y es que despues de casi 14 horas de estar coligiendo ideas, armando oraciones y parrafos enteros de la reflexion a la que dicha lectura me llamo... abri esta pagina y PUF! no hay palabras, no hay oraciones... es mas... la inspiracion se quedo en la pagina anterior... aaarg... tendre que educarme mejor en estas lides de escribir lo que vale la pena y no las excusas para no haberlo hecho!

quiet... ly

2006-09-26T12:36:00.000-05:00

well i should be dreaming, or changing my clothes to go on with my day... but i don't!
"baby baby baby look out!"
aqui colgare una de esas tonterias que una vez se me cruzo por la cabeza... y hasta a mi me cuesta armar la idea completa de todos los retazos regados en tantas palabras!

++++++++++++++
call me insane, it won't be new... try me with a game of words and memory, i'll gladly fail... i don't feel like playing and winning today... under my clothes lies the body that have traveled, the body that touched, danced, laughed and cried in the same place for the same person... i should feel relieved, i could stay quiet, i should be working!... but i'd rather write about these silly things that come into my mind when i'm like this... like wanting to fly and play like i'm chasing a very evasive fly
++++++++++++++
escucho una tonada cuyo titulo no conoci hasta hace unos dias... una d las mas deprimentes y sin embargo, que inevitablemnt me lleva a momentos d alegria n mi vida.. y cuiso es el cressendo que tiene en la tonada... maldita cancion... como le llega, sin embarg la escucho y me cuestiono... como diablos llegamos a esto_a esta misma sensacion d conformismo, de quietud y pasividad d esperar a q todo caiga x su propio peso sin hagamos algo cierto para evitarlo_ asi... cual gallina en avícola a punto d ser sacrificada, mirando cabeza abajo como el cuchillo se acerca inexorablemente al cuello para dejarnos en una bicibleteada mientras nos desangramos en ese embudo por el cual bajara nuestra sangre hasta que ... sin bicibleta.. termines en el mismo lugar dond empezamos esa cuestion... al mismo lugar... al mismo lugar d la misma forma... solo que ya sin vida...
caen sobre nosotros.. y que diablos hacemos_en lo que a mi respecta... no gracias, no pienso quedarme aca a ver como esto me consume como a cualquier otra persona.. la miasma es tan seductora y apaciguante "calla cierra los ojos y dejate llevar"... es q para esto existimos___ no gracias, no creo q eso sea todo n la vida... es atroz...y sabes que es lo mas agonico de esta cancion___es que la puesdes poner "ad infinitum"... se repite...y repite.. y repite... un loop que puedes disponer sin parar una y otra vez, una y otra vez ... un ciclo que se da sin atisbo de evolucion ni cambio y asi empieza, cuando ya crees que va acabar... empieza de la misma manera... agonico...mil veces prefiero oir skokiian... y ahi voy no me dejare ahogar en esta estupida tonada... no otra vez, ah si... esa stupida tonada era "el amor es triste" de paul mauriat... dioses... que agonico... en serio... q horrible agonia... ciertamente me da mas fuerzas para huir de aqui para salir de aqui...
+++++

hey! eso fue lo de un par d dias... requiero ayuda profesional o q? conste q hasta ahora a nadie he matado, eh?

recording on my feet

2006-09-25T14:10:00.000-05:00

part 1 ...
it's just a case, just another fella to check on and say good bye
i thought so... and i came into the scene... ruthless plan, kind and smiling... let the games being
so we started... without secrets but strategy on the field... unconscious movements to do not let my game be noticed... and it falls, like a fly from the icy wall...
catch it between my fingers and wonder... how the hell did you let yourself get into this? while i drop it into a pocket and walk away like nothing happened there...

+_+

2006-09-25T01:30:00.000-05:00

so here we're...
claiming steps i thought were forgotten but hey!, they're here and with one of the most influent characters i've met... that fella who made up a whole character for himself, just changing a name and building this role out of his own, a "person" loved and hated and above all, unforgettable... Freddie Mercury
oh well, i thought i'd be writting about something else by now but i can't help it with "Barcelona" in the air... "somedaaaay"...
so it looks like he lived like he wanted but ... why... how ... it looked like excess is not a good source for long lasting happiness... can't buy me love, can't buy me happiness, can't buy me the peace of mind i require for a 2hours (at least) of good dream... good sleep...
even though, it's especulation... for i never knew the person, only the character... just this lovely singer, amazing composer, astonishing frontman and well, that side the world knew... oh! let's not forget the unstoppable party animal!
anyway... going back to the (theoretically) main reason for me writting now... which, after 3 minutes staring at the video of "Golden Boy"... i can't remember... well, whatever... i've written something about something i care about so... that's all folks 4 today! be good! :D

tell me a joke

2006-09-23T02:02:00.000-05:00

donde estaria no me encontraria... quien fuera que avisara equivocado estaria
valdrian 4 minutos, quizas con 12 segundos mas, tan solo para llegar a la dolorosa conclusion que ahí no me encontraría... los designios del mundo conjuraron que eso no sería de otra forma
y así se luchó contra dicha circunstancia pero, oh, como dirían algunos, se necesitan 2 para bailar tango, así como para arreglar una situación que implica a más de una persona... así es como todo aun se estanca, se hunde, se sume en el profundo mar de "no molestes que no es"
y me quedo sin palabras, la sensación de "que diantres espera la gente" en el aire mientras mi cuerpo ya da el giro, esa media vuelta (o 3/4 para ser precisos) guiándome de regreso a mi ruta...
suelta en plaza, quién sale a jugar con este toro? no será el por hoy, nadie sera el valiente por hoy, asaltare la calle, las casas y me ire a descansar a la copa de un arbol, tan sólo para variar

clash

2006-09-23T02:00:00.000-05:00

escucho lo que no deberia, pienso lo que debi ignorar... las ideas rodean las conclusiones para hacerla quebrar, para hacerla cambiar...una simple conversacion, bastante honesta de por si, alguien dijo mi nombre, yo dije el nombre de alguien... al rato coqueteando con esa posibilidad "enterrada" años atras... y que al parecer seguira 3 m bajo la tierra del olvido a pesar que los espiritus actuan pareciendo hacerla despertar... kisses are given, not taken... so one was given, and a few more taken... but after that something started, a door, which seemed locked and destroyed before it was able to be opened, left a little light to escape over the day which didn't started to show any sign of sun...so once again, something was asked, something was given... something happened and it seemed to be over... and it was asked to be again, and it was given once more, that happened and it seemed it was even... but both asked to be again, so more was give again, silhouettes in the dark, without names, without words of care... just actions which might have said a lot, but was it understood? i haven't been able to read minds for a while so i don't know...and it happened more than twice... and it seems that, this was the last time, even though, it was said before, it was sworn before... will it be fulfilled? hopefully my dear... hopefully.

por q no me deja... reaccionar

2006-09-22T13:54:00.000-05:00

y es de esas estupideces que uno hace de cuando en cuando, esas tonterias que son agradables tonterias y por ello las comete una y otra y otra vez...
en un hipnotizante momento las cosas empezaron, cartas en la mesa con la franqueza de una resaca despues de mezclar con desgracia cerveza y ron indistintamente (oh si, "no vuelvo a tomar!")... pero en fin... asi sucedio, se ejecuto, se repitio, se "juro" no repetir, y se repitio... y se juro... y se repitio y sacando la extrapolacion de la funcion dibujada... facil se repetira HAHAHAHAHA en fin

intoxicandome con Estopa en los oidos... aaah esa voz maldicion por la cual olvidaria lo que a veces prometo no olvidar, aunque sea por un segundo... vagando en ideas y quimeras posibles ... asaltando la inseguridad de algunas personas que vienen con preguntas que empiezan con "y si?" y "si hubiera"... wandering alone, just like i should, as much as i could... as far as i can as far as i'd like... no one to hold me to some place, with my heart on its place and my mind over my feet and keeping a good mood... one to remember, one for the road, n there i go

once upon a time...

2006-09-20T13:27:00.000-05:00

there was this friend of mine who wouldn't say or stare any longer, always in mistery and a kind look... always calm, always cool
we used to get together, for it was pack what we made, 4 of us gathering around a table just to learn and play... days passed by, months went aside... no more than 40 times we did it, no more than 40 times that i can recall... but there's something i never said, it was how important he became to me... and i won't forget those days, when like a duty we'd meet, around the table on friday noon, with our cards, with our games, with our friends just for a while...
we went on separate ways, and i, stupidly, strayed my path, and when i found my feet again, all of them were far enough to get together again... so far we're all on different places with different goals, we might be away from each other, we might never meet again... but even when he doesn't read this... he might know, yes he knows, that i will never forget those games... ThanX for being who you are!

sneakin

2006-09-12T15:32:00.000-05:00

wandering to track my own steps which leaded me here
walking drawing circles that might not take me back in time... but i remember... i recall
once i thought i could hide
once i thrive for anything but my own life
and once... once... i realised i couldn't escape from reality... so far i can't find any exit... so i'm going much deeper and deeper to reach somewhere unknown at least

n never fear

2006-09-08T22:21:00.000-05:00

so this is it... staring at the screen and recalling this morning's phrase "i just wanted to talk with one of the few single guys i know and trust that i can talk to me without fear" (and it was an excuse)... loneliness, persistent loneliness... i haven't felt this before as far as i remember but i admit this is not the first time i feel like this, in fact, i felt like this before i started to date the first guy i dated and since then it's been like 7 years dating someone after another, illusion after illusion until i found myself standing on something true, my own being, the only one i can trust day/night/extra-time always there for me, just myself... at least now i don't have that stupid fear of being alone... the stupid insecurity of not being able to stand on my own, to fail, to fall, to make a mistake and not being able to admit it, to not be "perfect" anymore... so stupid, using a mascarade just for myself trying to lie the only one who's 24/7 with me, my own conscience...
now i know this, and at some point i wonder how i could have been so stupid for falling for such stupid guys when i knew i shouldn't have trusted them as much as i did... innocence broken
my eyes seem a little more angry, now with a little more of bitterness of life... like a song said "your eyes are torn of so much crying"... i've cried enough and i don't have to do it anymore, there are good reasons to stand up each day... and the first one for me to do it is myself... since i'm the core of what i know i think that if i want this world to get better i'd better start from myself, uh? just walking over the sick line of egocentrism and insanity... i won't fall, as far as i can find something good inside

track 001

2006-09-06T00:57:00.000-05:00

this is a bunch of lines dedicated to an artist
Annie Lennox
I remember listening her back in the 90's (Why, such an awesome song!)... now that i'm paying more attention to her and some interviews... hell! this woman is great!... my respect, her music, her job, she's outstanding and a prove of taking risks and achieving goals regardless of how crazy or unprobable they might sound or look when you're starting to dream about them
Amazing, inspiring, unforgettable... those are the words for this person :D

what about you

2006-09-02T16:17:00.000-05:00

i've talked with my 2 ex-es... and each time i've done it i can't help this feeling... of .... how the hell did i get involved with those stupids??? anyway... they're the past (thank you!) and now i'm a lot much better (til now they seem to be with the same routine they had when i left them)... some people moves... some stay where they're... in some way, i'm moving, i might me stuck with my career but personally i've grown up these last 2 years and it helps a lot in my career, is it worth an engineer who can't make up their mind on their projects? even in their own lives??? anyway... it's my track, and so far, their lifes are not my bussiness anymore (in fact, never were)

)--o--(

2006-08-26T21:29:00.000-05:00

al fin liberada de fantasmas... como debia y siempre debio ser... gracias a lecturas interesantes escritas por... otro chico! hahahahaha, curioso pero cierto, de forma indirecta ayudo a poner mas en perspectiva los hechos y al fin terminar esta cirugia que hace meses he estado practicando interiormente para extirpar vicios de una relacion bonita y pasajera a fines/inicios de este año... asi que respiro, al fin... el aire puro y tranquilo de la solteria como debe ser... como se disfruta mejor!

10|\|6 +!|\/|3

2006-08-21T12:21:00.000-05:00

checkin again something i wrote this weekend... about the same issue, about the same guy... demons! looks like i'm applying for proffessional's aid here!...

rock it

2006-08-19T15:09:00.000-05:00

hace como 10 años que no oia "the rover" de zeppelin... dioses... consegui la letra (casi no entiendo a plant)y bueno... en este complejo de sun wukong que me esta dando cae... en algo

I've been to London, seen seven wonders. I know to trip is just to fall I used to rock it, sometimes I'd roll it. I always knew what it was for. There can be no denyin' that the wind 'll shake 'em down And the flat world's flyin'. There's a new plague on the land If we could just join hands. Traversed the planet when heaven sent me. I saw the kings who rule them all Still by the firelight and purple moonlight. I hear the rested rivers call And the wind is crying, from a love that won't grow cold My lover, she is lying, on the dark side of the globe If we could just join hands. You got me rockin' when I ought to be a-rollin' Darlin', tell me, darlin', which way to go You keep me rockin', baby, then you keep me stolen Won't you tell me, darlin', which way to go... that's right Oh how I wonder, oh how I worry and I would dearly like to know I've all this wonder of earthly plunder will it leave us anything to show And our time is flyin' see the candle burnin' low Is the new world rising, from the shambles of the old If we could just join hands.

...t

2006-08-15T17:52:00.000-05:00

that's what i hate of that movie... in fact.. of every good movie, story or whatever... it ENDS... i've already seen The Return Of The King - extended version - (hell, i loved that movie!) and even though i knew the end and main parts of the story... i got caught just like the first time even though i told to myself "i'll take that dvd out when the camera zooms out from Gondor...." i didn't, the story can't be complete if you don't know - even if you do - what happened with the little hobbits when they went home... so i watched it until the end and once again that feeling of "noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo i don't want it to end!!! there must be another adventure, i want to see them again, there must be more stories, i what to know them!... and silence... for it's just a feeling... and in the end... so far... i've got an adventure of my own to write, started when i was born (even when i can't remember that) and it keeps going until now... there are no monsters, sword training nor a huge recognizable evil to fight against.... solo incertidumbre.... planes e incertidumbre

""

2006-08-14T23:02:00.000-05:00

and i shall tell you what happened inside... we gathered just as we liked... before us, the treasure of our lifes, beneath us, a single step before oblivion sights... in every second before, we never thought we could ever end like that, trapped and slapped like a defenseless child within a bar... holding it so close... with almost all our hope lost, we began to hear this voice...
fear not, my friend, fear not, my fiend... for i bring no harm to those who serve me well... in danger you put yourselve, admit it you must, unleash your tongue to plead for mercy, and may be, may be, i shall grant you both, treasure and hope...
i held my grasp, couldn't forsee my own demise and pretend me to lay down after all those days, battles and feasts i've ever made??? how is it possible??? and yet so probable... a second drop of sweat came down my brow, i just had to hold on once more, because may be... may be, an escape i would perform...

xls

2006-08-14T12:44:00.000-05:00

3
2
1
...
son las ultimas palabras que intercambiamos antes que nuestras figuras se perdieran en el rabillo del ojo, pues, en lo que a mi respecta, no voltee mas...
se dan los segundos, los minutos... la pesadez de los dias e incertidumbre de semanas, los meses abrumaron y casi cerrando el ciclo (aunque falta aun algo mas para ello) estoy aqui... temblando de miedo-nervios-dudas-estupidez ante la posibilidad de decirte las cosas bien, defrente y en cara... y aun asi, trato de ocultarlo, ya dijimos adios, sin mayor nudo en la garganta... fue y fue pues, no queda otra mas q lo q querramos recordar si es q esto no fue fruto de mi fragil y febril estado mental...
me miro... o por lo menos eso intento... no... miro el reflejo de mi rostro en las superficies pulidas q ncuentro en mi camino.... preguntome con insistencia, que paso aqui??? alguien que me lance un libreto pues ya me perdi en esta escena... con optimismo casi infaltil, rayando en la candidez me animo a regresar alla, ahora me juego mas cosas q tan solo pasarla lindo... honestamente me pregunto, como es q llegamos a esta situacion? en fin... en fin... esto ya staba stablecido antes q yo llegara...

223

2006-08-12T16:34:00.000-05:00

si tuviera algo "importante" que decir, lo diria, cierto?
escucho una vez mas el soundtrack de Cowboy Bebop (la hicieron liiiinda eh?) y me pongo a escribir sin la mas minima consideración de si aquien lea esto lo entenderá... en fin... no escribo para específicamente buscando público, eh?
de todos modos, hoy es hoy, mi espalda me duele a morir, no es tan grave pero si sigue así hasta el lunes voy volando al doctor... aaah agonica paciencia en esperar que un amigo llegue a su casa, me llame y así podamos sentarnos alegremente a tocar guitarra y de una vez por todas pueda cumplir con el ofrecimiento que hice hará 10 años atras... enseñarle a leer partituras...
es ridículo? tal vez un poco... es desesperante? quizás un montón...
hoy se que me ire a Hunter, ooootra vez... no quiero adelantar cosas, es la estúpida confusión en la que sola me sumo cuando reevalúo la conocida pregunta "volvere a verlo?" pero que diablos, si muevo mis huesos hasta alla sera para sacar el máximo provecho posible, de ahí... un par de movidas mas y ya... veremos como se pone el sol en Australia, o Nueva Zelanda, donde sea que el sol me lleve...
supuestamente debría verter en estas líneas cosas más importantes... pero honestamente, hoy (o por lo menos en este instante) no me siento con ganas d dilucidar o disertar sobre algo más trascendetal...

0

2006-07-27T17:20:00.000-05:00

bueh, requeria un lugar exclusivamente para volcar todas esas tonterias/cosas/ideas que se me pasan por la cabeza... algunas que bien de algo pueden servir dependiendo de quien las use... asi que asi empiezo... las rocas tambien pueden ser virtuales... aunque ya estando aqui, dejan de serlo

i needed a place exclusively to drop all those trifflings/things/ideas that come to my mind... some of them might be useful for something depending on who uses it.. so this is how i start... rocks can be virtual too... altough just by being here, they are not anymore

i've heard it... somewhere...

2006-06-29T20:53:00.000-05:00

"... n then i'll say "screw you"
repeating that song "how did we end up like this?"... each one of us will walk their path straight to wherever we were heading before... and as far as i know, you'll pretend nothing happened at all...
and i'll think "screw you"
so it looks like i'm mad at you by now, isn't it? why should you care now if you didn't before? SCREW YOU SCREW YOU SCREW Y O U!!!!
so far... i want to think i was the only one here to stand all what happened and swallow all the consequences without hesitation c'mon, we're grown ups here, we knew what the hell we were doing since the begining...
so far.. this is what we learn... this is what we've chosen... this is what we made out of ourselves... would you mind saying something to do not let it go just like that?... could you?"

curioso eh?

believe

2006-04-08T14:29:00.000-05:00

believe for a second you could reach anyone in this world for just a minute, and that person wouldn't be shocked for it... imagine just one minute with that person... i imagine that minute right now with you... and i can't find myself but smiling, trying to do not hold you but asking you 2 questions (which will be asked if i don't have the answer by the time we meet again, if i ever see you again)... then i dissapear... then the memory fades away... who am i trying to lie? those moments remain in my head, the thrill when i saw you again 2 nights after i met you, the desperation due to my lack of confidence to tell you how much i liked you, those mixed emotions when you started to say what you did and i confessed what i felt too... those days... are gone... and... they remain the same... "where it began? i can't begin to know.. but then i know it's growing strong... it wasn't the spring!... hands, touching hands, reaching out, touching me, touching you!!! Sweet ... good times NEVER SEEMED SO GOOD!"... but like sometimes another song says "LOVE STINKS!" (but it tastes SOOO GOOOD!)
anything could happen in between... so i guess that if i have to see you.. then it'll be

Wouldn't tell

2006-01-09T19:44:00.000-05:00

i just shouldn't tell... even a whisper.. anyway... here i am... trying to do not even make a sound every second i recall your name... should i write it? couldn't tell... sometimes i wish you were just a player or just part of my fragile imagination... and i promised that i wouldn't tell or write your name until i see you again... until we meet again... not even a whisper... not even a sight

aaah

2006-01-01T19:04:00.000-05:00

dia tranquilo... un poco cansada... memoria vaga... pero aun funcionando

Llegue!

2005-12-16T16:18:00.000-05:00

Es bastante raro el llegar a un lugar y sentir que nunca te fuiste... aunque veas a la gente que ha cambiado un poco (y por lo que veo hasta ahora, ha sido para mejor)... ratones pues! a ver que me depara esta temporada (hoy empiezo como shotgirl)

This is how i fade away

2005-10-04T01:02:00.000-05:00

this is how i let myself fade away... it's the best for him... if that's what he wants, so be it... i just hope he gets all the happiness he deserves...

but... it doesn't mean that i won't miss him...

thnx 4 all those times... you'll always be in my heart

Once...

2005-10-01T22:01:00.000-05:00

Hace a�os vi una animacion en 3d bastante conmovedora, era simplemente un patita con polo verde oscuro con un fondo que al inicio no se podia identificar... este recitaba un poema que hasta ahora no he podido encontrar... los cambios de expresi�n de este personaje, la voz que le hab�an puesto, demonios que quien lo hizo puso su alma en ello... hacia el final de esa animaci�n, el final del poema, mientras �l dec�a las l�neas "Once I had you, hold you... loved you" la "camara" se apartaba dejando ver la foto de una chica en el fondo... maldicion... s�lo vi eso unas 2 veces en periodos d tiempo separados, hasta ahora no lo he olvidado, principalmente por esa �ltima parte
"once/.../ i loved you"

Time goes by

2005-05-03T16:29:00.000-05:00

Q gracioso... tantas cosas en Hunter y apenas conte una parte... los mejores recuerdos los deje en mi mente.

Ahora estoy en Lima, universidad, LAPTOP! (dioses que me cayo cuando mas la necesitaba :D) y amigos con quienes seguir practicando billas.
Curioso es que cuando fui a jugar por la universidad vi a un chico que por 3 segundos me hizo pensar que era Cody, caramba, proximamente me lo presentaran y ahi le preguntare si tiene un lindo pariente en el norte

The Three Wise Men play pool... and I played with them

2005-03-01T21:26:00.001-05:00

El viernes llego este grupo de chicos al bar... y estuvieron jugando billar. Note que eran muy buenos y decidi retarlos.
Empece con Cody quien, amablemente, estuvo jugando como suele hacerlo (MUY bien), para fallar en el ultimo tiro... reconoci que eso habia sido injusto asi que le pedi una revancha... pero Dan tomo su lugar... y paso lo mismo... y pedi otra revancha... pero Matt tomo su lugar... y paso lo mismo... despues jugamos dobles, Cody me eligio como pareja... yo estuve jugando pesimo y a pesar de ello ganamos 3 veces. Varias veces le comente a Cody que no necesitaba pareja a lo que el decia "Pero si esto es una cuestion de equipo! es un trabajo conjunto! y asi es mas divertido!"... como ya era tarde y tenian que cerrar el bar les invite a regresar el dia siguiente para jugar mas...
A la noche siguiente llegue algo temprano con un punado de quarters para pagarles la mesa en la que jugaria. Como no los veia por el lugar, empece a jugar contra otros tipos que estaban ahi, perdi por poco :'(... hasta que me di una vuelta por la barra y ahi vi a Cody "hey man!, how are you doing? are you ready to play pool?" a lo que dijo "yeah, sure"... y todos nos movimos hacia la sala de billar.
Les puse quarters para empezar un juego de dobles en una (Dan y Matt vs. Cody y yo) y con Cody como pareja rete a los chicos que me habian ganado anteriormente... como estabamos jugando en dos mesas a la vez Dan y Matt comenzaron a jugar uno contra el otro pues no les parecia que Cody y yo estemos jugando en dos mesas a la vez... en la otra mesa practicamente hice nada... Cody limpio la mesa sin asco y boto a esos chicos... asi que con eso ellos controlaron ambas mesas de billar, esto es, si alguien queria jugar billar, tenia que retarlos para botarlos de la mesa...
y como cosa maravillosa... los mejores jugadores del area fueron llegando al Spinning Room... FUE ALUCINANTE... los retos no se hicieron esperar... Dan y Matt en un lado aniquilando a todos... Cody en la otra mesa haciendo polvo a los demas... pasaron las horas y me quede jugando con ellos en una mesa... generalmente cuando juego con chicos, estos me invitan bebidas, con estos chicos fue al reves, me cayeron recontra bien asi que les invite un skishot de Jagermeister con la promesa de que les daria un par mas si regresaban... y asi nos quedamos jugando hasta las 3 o 4 am.
Siempre los recordare como los 3 Reyes Magos (3 Wise Men) pues ellos, siendo 3, me regalaron 3 cosas:
- Una excelente noche en el Spinning
- Mas lecciones de billar
- La tranquilidad para que se me pasara una ilusion que tenia un tiempo por un chico que conoci aca

Si los ven y juegan billar con ellos, les aseguro que la pasaran SUPER-HIPER-ARCHI-RECONTRA-BIEN

Un mensaje para ellos:
THANK YOU GUYS! YOU'RE AWESOME! COME BACK SOON, I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU ;) :D

En la foto, empezando por quien esta de pie:
Cody, Tiffany (enamorada de Dan), Greta, Dan y Matt

Luau

2005-02-28T15:34:00.001-05:00

El sabado 19 de febrero tuvimos un luau en el bar. Semanas antes me ofreci para ser la chica q diera los collares... y asi estuve en mi 1er luau, con mi 1er bikini, tome mi 1er margarita e hice d anfitriona por 1ra vez... curioso, eh? pero eso si... me moria de frio cada vez q la gente abria la puerta.. es que... estabamos en invierno!

Just another lonely evening...

2005-02-23T19:24:00.000-05:00

Hoy ha sido un dia tranquilo... despues de la chamba sali a comprar una tarjeta telefonica con Holly a un grifo que queda como a 9 cuadras... al regreso visitamos a los abuelos y nos quedamos como 2 horas. Creo que eso molesto a Jenn pues antes de salir quedamos en que vendria a hacer brownies con ella y como nos demoramos facil creyo que algo nos paso y bueno, facil esta molesta por q no tuvimos la consideracion de llamarla desde la casa de los abuelos para avisarle :(
Espero que se ponga de mejor humor... aunque parece que no sera asi hasta manana

Gracias / FELIZ DIA DE SAN VALENTIN

2005-02-13T20:03:00.000-05:00

Gracias por haber comprendido, gracias por haber hecho lo que yo no fui capaz hace a�os. Espero que las cosas te vayan super genial, de corazon.

Ayer estuve celebrando ello, baile sobre la barra con Kat y otras chicas, baile Brown Eyed Girl y sacudi la cabeza con You shook me all night long... estoy feliz... algo cansada por el trabajo hoy ... pero estoy feliz.

Manana ire a hacer snowboard por 3ra vez, ya se ir de bajada por la monta�a, se como detenerme asi que ahora me toca perfeccionar como girar... ire a ducharme, despues al bar y conversare con la gente mientras juego billar.

Cuidense mucho! Pasen un excelente dia de la Amistad y Amor :D

Spinning Room

2005-01-19T20:04:00.000-05:00

Fotos de como la he estado pasando aca? entren a esta pagina

http://www.foresterlodge.com

y encontraran el enlace para el Spinning Room donde veran algunas fotos de las ultimas noches

Should I stay or should I go?

2005-01-15T16:59:00.000-05:00

Anarchy in the UK... ahora estoy escuchando esto.. no habia pensado en escribir hoy en mi diario pero me urge hacerlo para compartir con ustedes lo que ahora se me pone en frente.
Este lugar me encanta, siento como que podria empezar desde cero y vivir aca para siempre... a eso se suma el hecho que haya jalado cursos en la universidad a lo que mi madre sugiere el quedarme todo un a�o para juntar plata y bueh, regresar a terminar la universidad... ahi esta el dilema... que dicen?
Hoy ire al bar, jugare billar y pensare al respecto... pues esto podria cambiar mi vida mas de lo que ya ha cambiado.
Si tienen comentarios, no duden en decirmelo

Les quiero mucho, un abrazo
Cuidense mucho

Brownies before i die

2005-01-12T20:49:00.000-05:00

Lo que estoy comiendo es la masa de los brownies que comere hoy antes de morir en las proximas horas en Hunter pues sera mi primer dia de snowboard... ire al bar un poco mas tarde y ahora puedo decir que... el Frisky Witch no fue el culpable... fue la burrada de no comer apropiadamente antes de beber y haber tomado los tragos anteriores demasiado rapido pero eso si, el Frisky Witch es condenadamente fuerte asi q cuidado con ese trago

Want an advice?

2005-01-04T23:20:00.000-05:00

Esta ha sido la frase q he repetido mas en las ultimas 20 horas: "Want an advice from someone older than you? Never, ever dring a Frisky Witch, NEVER!"... por que? por que ese trago fue el que me arruino la noche ayer y me mando a dormir ni bien puse mi cabeza en mi cama hasta las 1030, cuando debia entrar a trabajar a las 9... dioses... eso fue fatal...
Trabaje sintiendome adormecida... termine por que bueno... el dia fue facil... dormi tooooda la tarde y ahora me siento bien... pero eso si... ni mas me meto con el Frisky Witch
Claro q cometi un craso error antes de ir al bar.. no comi lo suficiente... he sido una inocente palomita

New Year's Eve

2004-12-31T18:32:00.002-05:00

El plan para hoy es ir al Spinnin' Room con la gente. El lugar va estar reventando y les echare una mano pues, despues de como estuvo ayer el bar (noche de 80's), ya mas o menos han calentado para hoy.
Espero que todos la pasen genial y recuerden que aunque no esten cerca de las personas que aprecian el recuerdo de estas puede convertirse en un buen motivo para sonreir y mirar a tu alrededor y saber que si tu eres capaz de ser feliz en ese momento, las otras personas tambien lo seran al mismo instante... asi, de una forma curiosa, la habran pasado todos bien y juntos.
Cuidense mucho
A cada quien que lea esto le deseo muchos exitos en cada dia a partir de hoy. Recuerden que nunca estan solos y siempre habra un motivo para seguir adelante... ese motivo eres TU.
*******
Hoy 12/01/05 he puesto esta foto del bar en ese dia, estan Rob, Cat, Greta y un fulano X en fila para tomar un ski shot (un trago tomado al mismo tiempo x 4 personas sobre un ski).. ahi estoy gritando xq Rob empezo antes que el resto

Hell Week / It's Just a Game, Fellas!

2004-12-28T02:23:00.000-05:00

Hell Week: Semana infernal... estas semanas el hotel se llena asi que hay muuuucha chamba para hacer, muchos cuartos ... y pocas horas para tenerlos listos todos... toy hecha un trapo literalmente.
"It's just a game, fellas!":Hace un par de dias que estoy yendo a jugar billar y la ultima vez q jugue una partida interesante fue con un ucraniano...
Todo empezo cuando perdi una partida con Jen (falle y meti la 8 accidetalmente) y en mi tristeza comence a limpiar la mesa... en eso uno de 3 tipos me dijo algo como "por q sigues jugando" a lo q respondi "ya he perdido, solo quiero seguir jugando" y el dijo "quieres jugar?" mientras colocaba las monedas para empezar otra vez... y empezamos a jugar... note q si sabia jugar, y bien, asi como q perdia ciertas jugadas a proposito... perdio la primera mesa, la segunda y se mantenia diciendo "I suck in this game" a lo q simplemente respondia "Yeah, sure"... al final jugamos 5 veces... de las que se dejo ganar 3... y digo dejo ganar pues desde la 3ra partida un amigo suyo me dijo q el si sabia jugar solo q habia estado tomando estos ultimos dias y q no se sentia bien...
Despues de 5 partidas me conto q el era de Ucrania, q habia ocupado el 2do lugar en un torneo nacional y q habia estado tomando los ultimos 4 dias por lo que no se sentia muy bien que digamos... y que la segunda partida le gane en buena ley. Aun asi no me siento satisfecha con esa victoria pues el no estaba en su mejor estado.
Despues de esa partida una pareja nos reto... y les ganamos... lo q mas recuerdo es q ya estabamos mas relajados, cada vez q alguien perdia un turno el solo decia con ese acento "It's just a game, fellas" con una gran sonrisa.
Al final nos despedimos con un fuerte apreton de manos y al final tuve su nombre, ojala baje otra vez pues fue un gusto jugar con el.
Ah si! ya tuvimos una tormenta de nieve... nevo tooodo el dia y parte de la noche.. la nieve se acumulo como 20 cm, lo q es genial pues eso da mas para poder esquiar ante lo cual solo me fijo en la mente que si me caigo, del suelo no paso

Feliz Navidad! - Cuando 6 grados es calido - Marco y Griselda

2004-12-25T21:48:00.000-05:00

Ayer pase la navidad con los O'Brien, me hicieron sentir tan en casa que por un momento cruzo por mi mente que iban a hablar en castellano... me dieron un par de regalitos muy lindos :D... Espero que todos ustedes la hayan pasado igual o mejor que yo :D
El trabajo hoy fue "ligero"... pero el frio me estuvo matando en las ultimas 2 horas al punto que me comi una media pizza personal que alguien dejo en su cuarto, tan solo para conseguir las energias suficientes para terminar los ultimos 2 cuartos que quedaban... brrr... facil estabamos a 3�C o 1�C, entrar a un cuarto que estaba a 6�C o 10�C me era suficiente para calentarme un poquito y continuar... y terminar casi a tiempo para ir a comer a la casa de los abuelos de Jen.
Nos han cebado como han querido, como entrada una crema con langostinos y champignones con jamones, queso y tomate para disponer... le siguio mas langostinos junto con pan al ajo y cerramos con unos super pedazos de carne a la plancha con ensalada ... mmm... y de postre pie de manzana y helado ;P... el almuerzo fue bastante comodo, todos nos trataban como parte de la familia, los anfitriones (Griselda y Marco) conversando con nosotros y cuando nos toco ir, compartieron con nosotros lo que la experiencia de 52 veranos juntos y una productiva vida podia servirnos en ese momento... casi como tener abuelos nuevos :D... ahora entiendo como es que todos en esta familia son tan geniales. Hurra por esta familia :D
***********
Hoy 12/01/05 he puesto la foto que nos tomaron a Holly y a mi en la cena en la casa de Marco y Griselda

Nieve!

2004-12-20T16:13:00.000-05:00

Ayer empezo a nevar... y esta frase sonara repetida para quienes he escrito (gracias por estar ahi :)!) pero en serio... me podria quedar caminando todo el rato mientras la nieve cae sobre mi cara. Jennifer me ha dicho que esa nevada ha sido ligerisima y que se pondra cada vez mas densa con los dias... en parte eso me agrada, no he pensado mas que en guerras de nieve desde que llegue aqui.
Hoy ire al centro comercial junto con Mark (hermano de Jen y Katherine) quien despues me llevara a comprar comida para la semana. Toda esta familia es genial son super amables y atentos todo el tiempo, no puedo hacer menos que hacer el mejor de mis esfuerzos para que el trabajo asignado quede lo mas cercano a la perfeccion, hasta me dan ganas de regresar la siguiente temporada.
Sobre el viernes en la noche... esa noche abrieron el "Spinnin room" un bar como el que se ve en las pelis, todo de madera, una barra con montones de botellas y rock clasico de fondo, hombre! ese lugar me agrada... ahi empezamos la noche con Holly y sus amigas quienes despues de 30 mins nos dijeron para ir a conocer su casa y despues bajar a otro bar... jugue un poco de billar, me sacaron la mugre por no saber las reglas del juego :( que le voy a hacer? si tan solo en Lima aprendi lo basico y ninguna regla en especial para ningun juego especifico... bueh, ya jugare en otra ocasion con mas decencia...
Ya a eso de las 11 le dije a Holly para regresar al Spinnin room y pedirle a alguien de la familia que nos regrese a casa... ella estaba enfrascada en conversa con otros 4 o 3 chicos, ahi nos demoramos como 15 minutos en zafar pues todos querian hablar. Nada mejor que un "sorry, gotta go, bye" para cortarla toda y marchar.. condenacion que el frio era fatal pero llegamos y al final Liz (enamorada de Mark) nos trajo a casa. Ella tambien es un amor de gente.
Bueno, ahora seguire con mi dia libre :D

Antes de la tormenta, esta la calma

2004-12-16T21:30:00.000-05:00

Hoy ha sido un dia tranquilo, el entrenamiento para las tareas no es dificil, las tareas tampoco ... la cuestion es que ahora la temporada esta tranquila por que... recien en las festividades llegara la manada.
He visto las reservaciones para esas fechas y ya quedan muy pocas, este lugar estara reventando de gente y de enanos (Herodes!!!) pero las tareas fuertes se acaban en 4 a 5 horas lo que me da tiempo para tomar otros trabajos.
Lo curioso es que esta gente tambien abriran un bar, donde quizas pueda trabajar (alguien dijo Coyote Ugly? no creo, no soy bartender, de la que me salve!), hoy fuimos alla a dar una mano con los ultimos arreglos pues lo abren este viernes.
El lugar es fantastico, lo suficiente como para que yo use ese adjetivo que casi nunca empleo, mientras haciamos algo de limpieza pusieron musica... caramba eso parecia una pelicula, el lugar todo empolvado por las refacciones, nosotras empezando a limpiar y Led Zeppelin de fondo ("Rock and roll") seguido de mas canciones que, sinceramente, dieron mas ganas de seguir chambeando (Pearl Jam, Black Sabath, Mark Knofler, Aerosmith, AC/DC, etc)... si la musica va ser asi creo que hasta trabajaria gratis...
En cuanto el clima, se espera una tormenta para este fin de semana asi que, facil la proxima semana estare aprendiendo a esquiar... sera la primera navidad que pase con nieve de verdad.
Hoy usamos la cocina, Holly preparo tanto arroz que creo que durara hasta navidad ... ha sido la primera comida relativamente contundente en un par de dias: bife, huevo frito, papas fritas, pizza y en un rato comere algo de fruta para mantenerme saludable ... :DDDDD quien se la cree? se que me he excedido hoy pero bueh, de aqui hasta que se repita, tendre que esperar a manana! :DDDD.
Hoy tambien conoci al padre y abuelo de Katherine, ambos tambien fueron bastante amables y atentos en todo momento, caramba que tengo que practicar mas mi ingles para poder conversar con estos se�ores, son buenas personas :).
Ahora si, por hoy termina mi reporte del dia, respondere un par de mensajes mas y me ire a mi cuarto a dormir... Nas noches

Llegue a Forester's Lodge

2004-12-15T23:19:00.000-05:00

Llegue a NY el lunes, el viaje incluyo: turbulencia a la altura de Panama, sospecha de terrorismo (Have you ever been at Austin Texas (?!)), perdida de avion en atlanta (no tuve q pagar mas, al perderlo solo me pusieron en el siguiente vuelo), al llegar a NY, el bus que nos debia recoger no aparecio y el hotel (West Side YMCA, en Manhattan) donde se supone debiamos quedarnos 1 dia tenia nuestras reservaciones ... para el dia siguiente !?!... a pesar de estas graciosadas todo estuvo bien pues el grupo de gente con la que viaje fue bastante amable (como yo :DDDD)
Mi compa�era de viaje (Holly) estaba mal asi q no sali esa noche.
El martes aprovechamos a las 12 con Holly y una pareja de amigos en atacar (comer) un chifa-buffet donde nos tuvieron q botar xq el pata ya iba por el 4to plato y yo por el 3ro (ambos aun sin coger el postre). Al regreso encontre un vendedor ambulante de comics que me ofrecio uno de Wolverine de 1971 (1ra pagina, cara completa Wolverine diciendo "I'm Wolverine") a U$10, estaba en buen estado, ahora me pregunto, estara para cuando yo regrese alla? si uds. me dicen que el precio esta Ok, genial, lo asalto!... seguimos nuestra ruta y llegamos a Virgin Records, dioses ... tanto para escuchar, tan poco tiempo disponible...pero recorde que hay tiendas de discos de 2da en buen estado asi q no me apresure en comprar ahi (Pearl Jam, Satriani, Carusso, pueden esperar). Como debiamos sacar copias de nuestros documentos para el carnet de seguro social pasamos por un FEDEX donde conoci a Rosario que iba para Hunter, es una chica de 26 a�os muy buenisima gente y q tambien estaba en el mismo hotel q nosotros... regresamos al hotel a eso de las 1830 y quedamos en encontrarnos en el comedor en 30 minutos donde conoci a otra argenina mas con quien una hora despues salimos a pasear: fuimos las dos argentinas, la pareja de la ma�ana y yo... tengo una foto a -5�C ... paseamos encontre la tienda de discos de 2da q me dijo mi hermano, despues llegamos al Irish Pub de donde derivamos a su version mas grandecita (xq ese local estaba lleno) donde tomamos unos cafes con licor (Rosario: con Vanilla Rum, la otra chica: con Baileys, el mio: Original Irish coffee, con whiskey, el mas fuerte, sin querer queriendo).
Hoy miercoles empece temprano, 730, alistandome para la charla del social security y arreglando las cosas para ya marcharnos a nuestros destinos finales, gracias a Rosario llegamos con mayor comodidad pues como ya estuvo aca tiene un par de amigos (Leo e Ethan) quienes fueron nos jalaron hasta Forester. La amabilidad no termino en ese momento pues la familia que administra este lugar es super genial, son bastante amables y se que nos llevaremos muy bien, ma�ana empieza el entrenamiento para el trabajo que nos toca...

Ahora si... lo que esperaba la gente! estoy en:

64 Dolans Lane
Hunter, NY 12442
FONO (518) 263-4555

Bueno amigos mios ... los he extra�ado pero esto RECIEN EMPIEZA :DDD