old one...

i look through those spaces i forbade to stare at again long ago...
i'm becoming so stiff that the wood chair pains while i'm sitting on it...
a drop tears my face without my allowance of course
i refuse to cry... but my eyes do
i refuse to let the knot in my throat make my nose bleed, but it does...
with the salty taste on my tongue i know it's dropping, again
i'm not saying a word
i don't have to

i stare at my fingers, can't recognize them at all, but they move when i want to so these must be mine... at least something i can control...

i used to walk there, i used to laugh there... i used to rule there
no one could say the opposite, all my world was the truth, made by my word under my own will
and now i can't even make this stop
should i take the pills they say i must?
should i forget and believe what they say?
is there something wrong on letting me rule again?
i brought peace and common sense to this kind
i taught them what was right and wrong
all i asked for was their obedience... and they've turned against me... like i did some time ago

but i did it because it was my right to do it
i did it because we couldn't live under that stage
i did it because i knew there was nothing really important for me to lose if that situation prospered
i did it because i wanted to live
and i was successful
and i made it through... i saw this becoming real and saw their grateful grinning faces trying to look at me... i was pleased, my heaven, at last... and no once could say the opposite

but suddenly someone started to do the same i once did
should i be mad at them?
i should be glad to see my creations becoming as strong and stronger than me... but why do they hurt me that much? did i treated that bad the one i did the same some time ago? i can't remember
i don't want to remember

and with my selective amnesia i choose to faint
and dream away of the times
i was respected, i was feared and praised
everyone believed my word
everyone bowed at me
no one would pronounce my name without reverance
and no one would go to sleep without thinking of me and thanking of my great deeds

now i'm forgotten
just another issue to be questioned, studied and buried if proved i'm not worth my usefullness
studied
shaped
disected and object of interpretation
am i not clear enough?
didn't i taught them the language i speak?
why can't they understand?
why they keep asking me these things?
why am i wrapped with this long-sleeved shirt???