wntr

so here i am... not sure if i lost someone
not sure if i'm supposed to be alone
just struggling
is this what i'm supposed to do??
is this all what i came for?
if it's so...
i'll give them a reason to never challenge me without being prepared!!!
i'm alone
yes i am
i'm struggling
the fist battle was stupid
was against myself due to my own stupidity
but after all
i've learned
and standing on my own ashes
i'm looking at the horizon
far
uncertain
cloudy
i smile
because for some moments i find that there're still things to figth for
because i could comform to this situation and give up
but those things make me remember
that all this can be better
hell... a lot better
for us all
and may be
may be... who knows... then i'll might be holding somoeone's hand

the smell of smog clogs my throat
but i go on
the scent of blood in the air reminds me those who have fallen
but i keep walking
holding all i'm
and holding on to that idea that there must be something else here than just a fair and beautiful scenario
there's something else... there it is... so close, too close to be perceived by everyone
i feel some injuries
but i don't fall
silent voices claim for help
silent voices ask me to stop this madness
the same that call me to sleep tight
and dream just like there's nothing to look for
and i refuse
i refuse
I REFUSE
to live the same way all of them do
regretting what they did
wondering if there really is another chance but hiding into their safe caves
if you want to know if the thunder is a god
you must expose yourself to the open field
and reach for the sky
and run through the woods until you realise
that it's no more god than you're

but once you realise it
how do you explain it to the rest of those who stayed in the cave?
there are no words
just tales
a fair way to explain something to someone who doesn't really know and doesn't want to know about it

it's a risk
i'm risking what many call mind-sake
i'm risking what many call a decent life
i'm risking this thing i remember
this time i've been given to discover if there really is a god inside every thunder
it's my life
at all
even when there are things i don't remember


///....///
WHY I DON'T DEMAND
something tells me
that if i do
it'll take something in exchange
would be the same thing i've asked for
would be something needed to complete what i asked for
i don't regret
i just don't forget
how mischievous can turn the words which are used
for i played with them
for i laughed when i did it... without guilt
i know how it would work
yes
it sounds like mistrust
but
there are many things i don't remember
it must be for something... something that i might be paying for right now
but if it was to forget you
i think they haven't done a good work at it!
but my wish would be to meet you again
but not yet... not yet
i might be ready
in fact, i am
i miss you so much... why do i feel like a part of my chest ... my whole chest is calling you???
why do i feel like we have to wait a little longer when i'm longing you without meeting you?
i'm not lost
i just.. .don't want you to find me doing nothing
i wouldn't like to find you in that situation either
wherever you're... my love for you
my heat for you
like i once did
you know i love you
you know i loved you
just... hold on a little longer
we'll meet
but not yet... not yet