0.

it was a while ago, i can't remember when

i was proud of my achievements
and i was looking for a new goal
so i sat down with my fellows
and told them about my quest

"i've beaten death
i've crossed the skies more than twice
i've reached the infinitum and came back
with my closed eyes defeated zillions
with my bare hands build worlds
now that my last challenge is done
is there something left for me at all?"

- yes you've reached a peak we never thought you'll ever do, you've surprised us all... but why do you want something else? you've got everything you wanted, you've got a loved one in your heart...

"yes you're right... perhaps i should stay and be with my love without looking for any other challenge, i don't need them at all"

and in that moment, my joking part came out saying

oooh yes, you've reached the peak, beaten thousands with a blink of an eye, crossed the sky and blah blah blah... but i bet you can't live without your love... even more, that you don't love your cherish as much as you claim

i couldn't help it, i turned around, looked at them straight in the eye, i could see their challenging desire as they saw mine
one of my fellows said "don't take it seriously, don't risk"
and it gave me more impulse to take the bet

"that i can't? that I CAN'T??? my love is infinite times stronger than all that i've given to achieve everything else!!! my love is greater than myself!!! it's in my core, it's me and my love knows it" i said, while looking at my love's eyes who was holding my hand with a smile... oh, how much i loved...

then if it's true so... i bet you can't find your loved one without all your features that helped you to do such things you've done... including your memories with your love...

i looked at my love... our eyes crossed and i heard my love's voice saying "i know you can, i'd be able to do the same under the same circumstances"... so with that smile i took the challenge

"i don't think it'd be fair for you to look for your love if both of you are not in the same place so that's what i'm granting you, both of you will be in the same place... let the game begin"

and that's how i landed here in this planet
i don't remember at all what i've done before
this is just what many would say an allucination
but there are days that i can hear my love's voice
when i see a certaing type of look
that look which is stuck inside me, it's part of me
that look that i know i'm finding again
so i fear not... because i know my love remembers mine too

wntr

so here i am... not sure if i lost someone
not sure if i'm supposed to be alone
just struggling
is this what i'm supposed to do??
is this all what i came for?
if it's so...
i'll give them a reason to never challenge me without being prepared!!!
i'm alone
yes i am
i'm struggling
the fist battle was stupid
was against myself due to my own stupidity
but after all
i've learned
and standing on my own ashes
i'm looking at the horizon
far
uncertain
cloudy
i smile
because for some moments i find that there're still things to figth for
because i could comform to this situation and give up
but those things make me remember
that all this can be better
hell... a lot better
for us all
and may be
may be... who knows... then i'll might be holding somoeone's hand

the smell of smog clogs my throat
but i go on
the scent of blood in the air reminds me those who have fallen
but i keep walking
holding all i'm
and holding on to that idea that there must be something else here than just a fair and beautiful scenario
there's something else... there it is... so close, too close to be perceived by everyone
i feel some injuries
but i don't fall
silent voices claim for help
silent voices ask me to stop this madness
the same that call me to sleep tight
and dream just like there's nothing to look for
and i refuse
i refuse
I REFUSE
to live the same way all of them do
regretting what they did
wondering if there really is another chance but hiding into their safe caves
if you want to know if the thunder is a god
you must expose yourself to the open field
and reach for the sky
and run through the woods until you realise
that it's no more god than you're

but once you realise it
how do you explain it to the rest of those who stayed in the cave?
there are no words
just tales
a fair way to explain something to someone who doesn't really know and doesn't want to know about it

it's a risk
i'm risking what many call mind-sake
i'm risking what many call a decent life
i'm risking this thing i remember
this time i've been given to discover if there really is a god inside every thunder
it's my life
at all
even when there are things i don't remember


///....///
WHY I DON'T DEMAND
something tells me
that if i do
it'll take something in exchange
would be the same thing i've asked for
would be something needed to complete what i asked for
i don't regret
i just don't forget
how mischievous can turn the words which are used
for i played with them
for i laughed when i did it... without guilt
i know how it would work
yes
it sounds like mistrust
but
there are many things i don't remember
it must be for something... something that i might be paying for right now
but if it was to forget you
i think they haven't done a good work at it!
but my wish would be to meet you again
but not yet... not yet
i might be ready
in fact, i am
i miss you so much... why do i feel like a part of my chest ... my whole chest is calling you???
why do i feel like we have to wait a little longer when i'm longing you without meeting you?
i'm not lost
i just.. .don't want you to find me doing nothing
i wouldn't like to find you in that situation either
wherever you're... my love for you
my heat for you
like i once did
you know i love you
you know i loved you
just... hold on a little longer
we'll meet
but not yet... not yet

1day

there was a day when i was strolling, alone as usual
smiling and laughing at everything around
i was so amused and happy

then
my eyes crossed your path
my eyes met yours
and laugher and amusement were gone

i didn't know how to speak
i didn't know how to smile
i was stunned
your look just stunned me at once

but i couldn't stay like that
i don't like giving up myself that way
so i reacted
i looked for the minimum requirements of my own system to operate
and i smiled back at you and said "hi!, how are you doing?"
i barely could start the second line
but it came so easily
it came like a beat, like exhaling when you're breathing
i found i was able to talk making sense while i though "for everything that is sacred here and beyond, you're amazing and i'm not afraid of getting lost with you"
and i felt like i should give you everything at once
i felt like i must do it
but i had to hold myself a little with some effort to do it slowly
and you proved everytime you deserved all that credit line
just because of your eyes

some say you can see people's soul through their eyes
i don't know what did i see
for it's not the first time i see eyes as beautiful as yours
but it was you
only you
who made me feel
like everything was alright
just by being where your eyesight is... just where you are

those eyes

he might look like a hero
but i won't wait for him to save me
he might be the greatest cheff
but i can cook meals for myself
he might clean my tears before they reach my lips
but i'm able to stand up and go on
he might make me smile and laugh anytime
but i can make good jokes all the time

i don't want a servant
for a servant wouldn't let me serve him even when it's what i'd do

then what is what he might offer?
is it love?
love is not a currency
love can't be paid with anything
it is given, not taken
it is for that guy who can solve this riddle which is not a riddle at all
it's just a statement
it's just part of me

solve the line
and you'll get the library

back

it started with "she's my little rock n roll"
then matrix
or they were at the same time
all i know is that i needed
i wanted
something since i was little
something that seems so close but i can't reach with these hands
i wanted to make those fantasies real
i wanted to live forever like a child
i wanted to talk with the characters
i wanted to walk through the escenarios
that i only knew about them by stories, movies, and those things that are supposed to be only in our mind... but i refused to believe that
i thought i left thinking about that possibility long ago
but after watching that movie again
i realised that i didn't
in fact
in some way i still... and i refuse to know about them without getting to know them
that's what i have to say... for now

those days

i scratch my head, try to do not think about you but the way the blankets lay over the bed reminds me the way i stretched myself against you...
i laugh... i just grab my tshirt and put it on... the idea of your figure next to me assaults my head again, i giggle after 4 seconds staring at the roof almost feeling your breath on my ear whispering my name, almost feel your skin with my lips, almost feel your warmth on my chest, i swear i can see you right now but i can't touch you...
as i walk to the door i take a look at myself in the mirror, can't remove this feeling of my head, can't avoid my hands to wonder about you, can't help my voice on calling your name, i stare at my own foolishness in front of me and in some way i'm glad to know this is not a nightmare even when almost feels like that, you know why? because this can be again, and again, and again...

i'm choking with my dialy tasks but the fresh idea of being with you is like a breeze that i can take in this ocean of duties... cracking jokes, riding my bike or walking to the job meeting, there's always something to remind me of you, i must me insane, i must be intoxicated, i became addicted to you even when i know i can live without you i choose not to.

meanwhile, i'll wander in this place, do my stuff, i'll let myself being assaulted by the thought of you and, eventually, when we meet, i'll make you feel exactly the same (or even more)

you'll stare at the clock, you'll search for my head on the pillow next to you, you'll smell that space trying to find my esence, listen to the song we sang together and wonder anxiously about
the next time we meet again... by now, you must know that i miss you